-"I was watching this really funny commercial the other day, I guess you had to be there..."

-"oh...cool"

-... and then the Packers won the Superbowl"

-"Aww really? Fucking sweet!"

cammie:well then it looked like the car had a scratch, but then it didn't really...

lila: cammie, is this story going anywhere?

cammie:...so i saw this chick, and i wanted to talk to her, but then i didn't...and that's when i saw the blood...

lila: *facepalm*

...so the whole time we had been standing in the band room, and I kept thinking, "Wow, I really love band", uhh... and then, I found TEN dollars!!!

Last night I was at a party and there was this girls that I thought I new but then when I got a little closer I realized it wasn't the girl I thought it was...and then I got laid.

So I fell asleep last night at seven and woke up a ten...And That's Why You Never Milk an Ostrich

By MARTY SMITH / March 9, 2006
---------------------------------

NASCAR spokesman Jim Hunter, a vibrant 60-something known well for donning sweater vests and blazing Salem Lights, moseyed into his Daytona Beach office one morning last month and noticed a peculiar picture tacked to the wall opposite his desk.

His head was positioned atop a sinewy frame of shredded muscle.

"It was great, but I've never even dreamed of having a body like that!" Hunter howled. "But it's nice of Carl to work so hard for my benefit."

Carl, as in Edwards.

If you're a NASCAR fan and have so much as a faint pulse, you've seen Edwards' ridiculous physique on the cover of ESPN The Magazine. Dude is ripped.

Quite honestly, this very column is Edwards' biggest fear. He chuckled when I called to bust his chops about the David impression. But he also requested I express his concern that the photograph would be viewed as shameless self-promotion.

He wants it to speak for itself, just hopes it doesn't say, "Hey, look at me." It wasn't done out of haughtiness or pompousness. That wasn't the intention at all.

"Knowing Carl, as laid back as he is -- he just doesn't care

The Tragedy of Macbeth
by William Shakespeare


ACT I
SCENE I. A desert place.

Thunder and lightning. Enter three Witches
First Witch
When shall we three meet again
In thunder, lightning, or in rain?

Second Witch
When the hurlyburly's done,
When the battle's lost and won.

Third Witch
That will be ere the set of sun.

First Witch
Where the place?

Second Witch
Upon the heath.

Third Witch
There to meet with Macbeth.

First Witch
I come, Graymalkin!

Second Witch
Paddock calls.

Third Witch
Anon.

ALL
Fair is foul, and foul is fair:
Hover through the fog and filthy air.

Exeunt

SCENE II. A camp near Forres.

Alarum within. Enter DUNCAN, MALCOLM, DONALBAIN, LENNOX, with Attendants, meeting a bleeding Sergeant
DUNCAN
What bloody man is that? He can report,
As seemeth by his plight, of the revolt
The newest state.

MALCOLM
This is the sergeant
Who like a good and hardy soldier fought
'Gainst my captivity. Hail, brave friend!
Say to the king the knowledge of the broil
As thou didst leave it.

Sergeant
Doubtful it stood;
As two spent swimmers, that do cling together
And choke their art. The merciless Macdonwald--
Worthy to be a rebel, for to that
The multiplying villanies of nature
Do swarm upon him--from the western isles
Of kerns and gallowglasses is supplied;
And fortune, on his damned quarrel smiling,
Show'd like a rebel's whore: but all's too weak:
For brave Macbeth--well he deserves tha...