When a guy shits on a girls chest, rubs her tits in it, and then proceeds to clip his toe nails into the feces.
"Hey bob, I gave you're wife an almond joy last night"
The act of deceiving a receptive sexual partner into thinking you're unwrapping and putting on a condom
, while in reality you're simply unwrapping and consuming a candy bar
. Success depends in large part on your partner's non-visualization of your hands and penis, either by means of a darkened room or sexual positioning (e.g. doggy style
), as well as lack of familiarity with the feel of a bare vs. sheathed penis. May be additionally satisfying if you're able to consume the candy bar while actively having bareback
"Sarah was drunk and totally DTF
last night, but I didn't have any jim hat
s on hand, so I just turned off the lights and pulled an almond joy."
"My blind girlfriend was a virgin before we dated, so I felt pretty comfortable giving her an almond joy without risking an STD."
That dude doesn't like to bareback
, but he's so high on ecstasy
he doesn't even know that the guy behind him just slipped it in almond joy style.
The male version of a camel toe where you can see the outline of the dudes junk from pants that are too tight.
Dude, check out Tim's Almond Joy. No wonder he's always depressed.
A man's "package" in his pants. Like a ladies "Camel Toe"
His pants are so tight you can see his almond joy!
When a person changes the game on you. When a person "flips the script".
After a constant and profuse malevolent activity, the person changes, for no apparent reason.
"Say white boy, ima tel ya bout da game, and why you cant eva neva eva trust a crackhead"
"All right my friend" Please explain"
"Almond joy, dats all ya need to know"
"Almond joy??" *bewildered, glazed over look*
"Dat's right, gotdam cracka, ALMOND JOY!" "Cuz you neva know what a mufuka basehead guna do" "Sumtimz dey feel lika nut, sumtims dey dont, Ya heard?!"
A situation in which a man's testicles might shift to a position that is very uncomfortable and requires adjusting.
Rick totally forgot how deep my car seats were the other day and gave himself an almond joy.
When a man has diarrhea and it covers his testicals. He can let it dry on his testicals and then let someone lick it off.
Female version of this is a "Mounds"
Jeff had the shits all day, so when I got home he gave me an almond joy.
Jack: Jill came over gave me almond joy last night.
Ben: lucky bastard!