When a guy shits on a girls chest, rubs her tits in it, and then proceeds to clip his toe nails into the feces.
"Hey bob, I gave you're wife an almond joy last night"
by Jon and barry October 26, 2006
Top Definition
The act of deceiving a receptive sexual partner into thinking you're unwrapping and putting on a condom, while in reality you're simply unwrapping and consuming a candy bar. Success depends in large part on your partner's non-visualization of your hands and penis, either by means of a darkened room or sexual positioning (e.g. doggy style), as well as lack of familiarity with the feel of a bare vs. sheathed penis. May be additionally satisfying if you're able to consume the candy bar while actively having bareback intercourse.
"Sarah was drunk and totally DTF last night, but I didn't have any jim hats on hand, so I just turned off the lights and pulled an almond joy."

"My blind girlfriend was a virgin before we dated, so I felt pretty comfortable giving her an almond joy without risking an STD."

That dude doesn't like to bareback, but he's so high on ecstasy he doesn't even know that the guy behind him just slipped it in almond joy style.
by SchlitzKicker January 09, 2011
The male version of a camel toe where you can see the outline of the dudes junk from pants that are too tight.
Dude, check out Tim's Almond Joy. No wonder he's always depressed.
by Duane Ball May 17, 2004
A man's "package" in his pants. Like a ladies "Camel Toe"
His pants are so tight you can see his almond joy!
by Joni Simpson November 12, 2003
When you cum in a black girl then stick your balls Inside of her.
"Man I love to almond-joy Monica,it feels weird on my balls though."
by Fusheggi November 12, 2014
When a person changes the game on you. When a person "flips the script".
After a constant and profuse malevolent activity, the person changes, for no apparent reason.
"Say white boy, ima tel ya bout da game, and why you cant eva neva eva trust a crackhead"
"All right my friend" Please explain"
"Almond joy, dats all ya need to know"
"Almond joy??" *bewildered, glazed over look*
"Dat's right, gotdam cracka, ALMOND JOY!" "Cuz you neva know what a mufuka basehead guna do" "Sumtimz dey feel lika nut, sumtims dey dont, Ya heard?!"
by Saltine Cracker August 09, 2004
A situation in which a man's testicles might shift to a position that is very uncomfortable and requires adjusting.
Rick totally forgot how deep my car seats were the other day and gave himself an almond joy.
by destructoid user February 24, 2008
When a man has diarrhea and it covers his testicals. He can let it dry on his testicals and then let someone lick it off.
Female version of this is a "Mounds"
Jeff had the shits all day, so when I got home he gave me an almond joy.
by malcum ex November 19, 2010
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