"Its a confused idea of soccer, football...and mad men running in porno shorts"
Before each game, teams must run through banners constructed entirely of toilet paper and clag glue and containing messages such as 'Go the Roo Boys' or other such crap.
Playing uniform is similarly macabre. Each player must wear a singlet, shoes, socks and shorts so tight, if they were any tighter they'd need bowel surgery to remove them.
AFL is the only sport in the world which rewards people for failure, with one point given for missing a shot at goal, or hitting one of the large goal posts, or if an opposing player runs the ball between the goals.
Despite what any AFL follower will tell you, it is slightly above watching grass grow in terms of an entertainment spectacle. It does not have any significant following outside of the Australian states of Victoria, South Australia, Western Australia and Tasmania, with the more open-minded Australians (i.e. New South Wales and Queensland) preferring Rugby League and Rugby Union. Even drawf-tossing is more popular in these states.
The first International AFL World Cup was held in 2003 in Melbourne. There were more players on the field than spectators in the stands. Nobody remembers who won. Nauru are a powerhouse in World AFL, as well as Denmark, who hold the non-Australian attendance record for a game of AFL - 62. (That's sixty-two, not sixty-two thousand).
In order to play AFL, it is compulsory to do or have done one of these:
* Bonk your best mate's wife
* Urinate on a lady's leg at a pub
* Own a copy of 'Up There Cazaly'
* Have a name such as Wayde, Rhett, Jarred or Digby
* Steal from your team-mates
* Be an accessory to the death of a young lady by drug over-dose
* Be totally ignorant
* Keep a closed mind
"Great mark there by Digby...."
Australian Rules Football is a regionally stunted game played primarily for and by rampant non-heterosexuals in the Southern States of Australia. The AFL is a conglomeration of blind lepers who have unnerving control over the sporting minds of ½ the population.
The game itself begins when two teams of 18 limp-wristed nancy boys run onto an oval through a 40 foot high banner made of toilet paper which has messages of love from their fans painted in it in various shades of lipstick. Running though the banner is the zenith of anyone's Australian Rules Football experience.
Prior to the game's commencement but after the "running of the banner" each side gathers in a group and runs around the oval to warm up. This is commonly known as a "melee" and is the first of many over the approximately 120 minutes the game takes.
Once the game starts at the sound of a hooter that would arouse a Moose, the ball (similar to a Gridiron ball, but less heterosexual) is bounced by a prat in a dangerously loud shirt called the "umpy". The main vocation of the umpy is to spend the game listening to 40,000 lispers calling out "ball". Most umpys are thankful that the word "ball" has no S in it.
From the first bounce until the end of the game there is a 100 minute game consisting of the aforementioned 36 men attempting to do things to each other that would be considered outrageous at a Mexican Donkey Show.
Scores are earned by kicking the ball between 4 posts at either end of the ground, yes 4. A player earns 6 points (a goal) for kicking the ball between the two highest posts in the centre of the 4 posts, and he scores 1 point (a behind) for missing the big posts but still managing to not miss all the posts.
Talent and co-ordination are not requirements to play Australian Rules Football. It is slightly tougher than Draughts but a smidgeon under Backgammon in toughness.
It is a game adored by 1/2 the country and hated by the other half. The collective IQ of the former is 12.
Hate Australian Rules Football even if you've never seen a game, it saves time later on.
catch and clap.
aerial ping pong.
fags r' us