A cliche, overrated, horrid series based on a wet dream of a woman named Stephanie Meyers. A 107 year old virgin vampire (he sparkles!) named Edward falls in love with a clumsy, unattractive girl named Bella, whom many believe to be autistic. He thinks she smells good and watches her sleep. Werewolves and mean vampires try to eat her because she smells just so delicious. But Edward won't eat her because he is a vegetarian! So instead he just randomly grabs her hand out of nowhere and takes a nice big whiff of it. Bella keeps almost dying as various vampires rape, track down, and videotape her. After three nauseatingly awful books, the last one finally comes out where Bella turns into a vampire, Edward gives her a C-section with his teeth, and they have a demon child the vampire mafia wants to destroy. They name in something equally retarded as 'Jasper' or 'Carlisle', some members of Edward's family.
There. I just saved you three weeks of your life you could never get back.
"Twilight is gay."
"Edward's shiny diamond skin turns me on!"
"I can't live without my perverted old boyfriend."
"I'm danger, stay away."
"I want to eat you."
Urban legend. A domesticated vampire bat a woman keeps in her panties, especially during her menstrual period, which eliminates the need for sanitary napkins or tampons. Doubles as a chastity device and rape deterrent.
I was going to take advantage of the passed-out hottie, until her crotch bat poked his nasty little head out of her pants, chittering and hissing at me.
A list of great titles for when your boss, spouse, or just about anyone else around you pisses you off. Try it. Now with even more humiliation...
A is for-Admiral Assrape
B is for-Brigadier Buttfuck
C is for-Captain Cumguzzle or Colonel Cuntlick
D is for-Doctor Dicksuck
E is for-Ensign Enema
F is for-First Lieutenant Fucksalot
G is for-General Gonorrhea
H is for-High Commander Herpes
I is for-Insurgent Infection
J is for-Janitor Jackoff or Jester Jizzum
K is for-King Kunnillingus (I know it doesn't start with a K, fuck YOU!)
L is for-Lance Corporal Lickadick
M is for-Major Mooncricket
N is for-Nurse Nigger
O is for-Officer Orpheus
P is for-Private Pedophile
Q is for-Queen Quief
R is for-Ranger Rape
S is for-Sergeant Sodomy
T is for-Tramp Testicles
U is for-Underling Uterus
V is for-Vampire Venereal
W is for-War Chief Wanker
X is for-Examiner XXX
Y is for-Yeoman Yarak (Turkish for a big fuckin' dick)
Z is for-Zsar Zinker (Zinker=massive throbbing nigger cock.)
Boss-Hey, i'm gonna need you to come in this weekend to finish up the expenditure reports.
You-Hey, i'm gonna need you to turn around and fuck yourself Sergeant Sodomy!!! See my great use of the 'Alphabet'??