If you ever end up moving to Upstate New York, you will never be able to escape it.
The towns are all small, boring and cold and the cities are nothing to write home about either.
However something about Upstate New York, particularly EXTREME Upstate New York will pull you back in should you ever try to leave for a prolonged period of time.
My parents, like many other unfortunate people who grew up in Upstate New York, actually left and CAME BACK.
Upstate New York will forever be in the shadow of The City, and should you move there you will be invalidated as a person entirely.
If you ever happen to travel, and you tell someone you are from New York you will be forced to endure horrid responses like "OMGZ IZ IT NICE IN DA CITY?" or "D00D I WAz iN NYC LaSt WeEk, itz dA BoMb!!123" even if you try to take preventitive measures such as saying "New York STATE," "UPSTATE New York," or even "RURAL NEW YORK YOU MOTHERFUCKER."
Believe it or not, there are actually places even farther north than Buffalo or Albany.
I personally live within walking distance of the Canadian border.
I would rather just hop across and join the Canadians than deal with another day of being seen as a hideous appendage to The City.
My dream is to get the fuck out as soon as I can, move to another state and NEVER TELL ANYONE WHERE I'M ORIGINALLY FROM.
Unfortunately that will be nearly impossible because SUPRISE, on top of being boring, cold, and ignored, Extreme Upstate New York is also DIRT POOR.
This forces its unfortunate inhabitants to attend crappy local colleges and then later either work at Clinton Correctional Facilities or live IN Clinton Correctional Facilities.
This is partly due to the inevitable drug and alcohol problems these people develop to cope with the pain of living in America's own little third-world country.
Poor, unfortunate soul: I grew up in Upstate New York, and saved up all my money from the time I was a kid so someday I could get the fuck out. Unfortunately after leaving and entering the rest of the world I devoloped a slew of mental illnesses because I was never properly trained to live in society. I moved back Upstate.
Kid: Woah, mom, your dashboard says it's -20 degrees outside.
Mom: Yes dear, that's because we're driving through Upstate New York. When we get into Canada, it'll still be this cold, but at least I'll be able to smoke in public.
STUPID Girl on plane: So where are you from?
UNFORTUNATE Guy on plane: UPSTATE RURAL New York STATE.
STUPID Girl on plane: Wow, that's so cool. Can you see the Statue of Liberty from your apartment, or is the Empire State Building blocking your view?
Man: I was going to get out of this place as soon as I could, but things didn't work out, I had to stay in the area for college. Now I work at Clinton Correctional Facilities.
Woman from Anywhere but Upstate, USA: OMG did you meet Tupac?!?
Girl on internet: I live in Massena.
Boy on internet in NYC: Is that like near Ethiopia?
The answers to all of these are NO! lol New York has a lot more to offer than just the city. Ever considered that ya punk?!
You: OMG U are? Is it crowded there?
*cracks your skull*
3. You measure distance in hours
4. You know several people who have hit deer more than once
6. You stay in your house most of the summer because you aren't used to the heat
7. You drive at 55 mph through 10 feet of snow during a raging blizzard without flinching
11. You carry jumper cables in your car and your girlfriend knows how to use them
14. Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled in with snow
16. You know 4 seasons: almost winter, winter, cold, construction
19. Cows are just part of the scenery
22. You know that the phrase, "Goin up ta," applies to going north, south, east, or west, up or down in elevation, and pretty much any other way you can travel.
23. The smell of freshly spread cow manure doesn't bother you.
26. Halloween costumes are always designed around a snowsuit and winter boots.
31. You can name everyone you graduated with.
42. You still go home for Homecoming.
58. Your teachers call you by your older sibling's name.
64. You have to name six surrounding towns to explain to people where you're from.
67. When somebody says "Thats billy fucillo HUGE" you know exactly what they are talking about
I don't agree with the people saying upstate starts just noth of NYC and Long Island, It is more the Finger Lakes and north regions, maybe some of the southern tier but I am pretty sure they have their own set of rules there.
New York City Person: Holy Crap and inch of snow! Mom, we have a snow day right? Snow like this is dangerous!
Upstate New Yorker: I'm from Phelps, um half way between rochester and syracuse, near geneva and canandaguia, kind by waterloo?
New York City Person: I am from Queens, you are a moron if you don't know where that is.
- NYC + LI: North of the Tappan Zee Bridge.*
- Westchester: North of Westchester.
- Lower Hudson Valley (Rockland, Putnam, etc.): North of Poughkeepsie.
- Albany: North of Albany
* Some people from these areas consider anything North of the Bronx to be upstate. However, (for NYC) they probably have never left their borough, or (for LI) they're jealous because Westchester is essentially a superior version of Nassau County.
All that aside, the technical definition of Upstate New York, as defined by the New York State Department of Tourism, is anything North of southern Dutchess County.
Person from Scarsdale: "Seriously? I'm closer to Manhattan than you are. Everyone knows that Upstate New York begins above Westchester."
Person from Poughkeepsie: "Hey, I'm not upstate. The Metro-North still reaches me, so that makes me part of the metro area."
Person from Albany: "This is the real upstate."
Person from Buffalo: "I live in Western New York."
Person from Binghamton: "Westchester, is that on Long Island?"
Person from Buffalo: "Chicken Wings."