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1.
Arguably the most awesome individual to ever walk the Earth. Everything Uncle Jesse did, be did it sweet. A typical day might include: styling hair with mousse and Mr. Goodpart, wearing tight jeans and cowboy boots, riding a harley, shredding on guitar with his band The Rippers, putting Danny and Joey in their place, and teaching DJ, Stephanie, and Michelle lessons in morality. Then banging Becky and combing hair again.
Uncle Jesse kicks ass AND has morals (and sweet hair)...
by Crew Middle Fork November 21, 2004
 
2.
super sweet, almost to the point of being freakin' sweet; NOT Danny Tanner or Joey Gladstone
Yo dude did you see X-Men 2 last night?
Yeah that movie was totally Uncle Jesse
by Seany Mac May 03, 2003
 
3.
The act of receiving a blowjob from a female who is pooping at the same time.
Matt and Kelly were in the bathroom for 20 minutes, I heard he got an Uncle Jesse!
by Art Mothman November 27, 2010
 
4.
a term that can refer to an adult kickball team that is known for horrible kickball ability, thinking they are great at flipcup (even though they really aren't), and having a generally obnoxious and egotistical attitude. Uncle Jesses believe they are great at flipcup because they lack careers or ambition in life and, therefore, can spend all night at the bar playing Survivor. During matches against any true competitors, they predictably sh*t the bed. Uncle Jesse men are approximately 30 years of age or older and still insist on reliving their college years, drinking every night and running to their former colleges for football games every chance they get. They also tend to cheat on their girlfriends and wives. Uncle Jesse women are vapid sorostitutes, except for the occassional unattractive fat girl.
-It's 1:30am and you have work tomorrow. Instead of being an Uncle Jesse, pay your tab and go home.

-You're almost 30 years old. Stop cheating on your girlfriend, get out of your failing cheesesteak business, and stop listening to everything your mommy tells you to do. You don't want to be an Uncle Jesse your entire life!
by NotJessesGirl February 05, 2010
 
5.
The act of raping a set of twins.
You see the Olsen twins, I just gave them an Uncle Jesse.
by Tanner Family September 24, 2012
 
6.
A man blows a load into his own hand. He then proceeds to make out with his girlfriend/wife and runs his siemen-soaked fingers through her hair. Upon finishing his round of tonsil hockey and greasing his better half's hair with his seed, he proclaims, "HAVE MERCY!" This relates to the Uncle Jesse character portrayed by the acting genius, John Stamos, on Full House. Uncle Jesse sported a sick mullet, used tons of hair product, and proclaimed the phrase mentioned above after sucking face with the boner-inducing Lori Loughlin.
After months of sexual frustration, Ted pleasured himself and gave his wife an uncle jesse
by Masturbatrix July 15, 2011
 
7.
Synonym for cocaine. Lines are referred to as "rippers".

(Uncle Jesse was a character played by John Stamos on the show "Full House". His band was called "The Rippers")
Where's Uncle Jesse?
by RonnieHoffman December 14, 2010