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1.
A variation on the traditional Bacon Battle, this version is equivalent to an extreme sport. Two gentlemen must retire to the home of one lady, and, while one of the gentlemen tastes the sweet nectar of said lady, the other searches her house for bacon. Having found as much bacon as he can, this gentlemen proceeds, unnoticed by the otherwise occupied lady, to cook all the bacon. He will not eat it, but, when it is cooked, he will instead leave the premises, and go to a pre-arranged meeting place, where he will meet up with his team mate later. The team mate will tell him how the lady reacted upon finding out that all her bacon had been cooked. Warning: hilarity is likely to ensue. It is also important to remember that an Ultimate Bacon Battle is a team sport, and striving for individual glory will not be tolerated.
Bill and Ben completed an Ultimate Bacon Battle. Ben cooked the bacon, while Bill porked the lady. A good time was had by all.
by OldManPatterson February 13, 2013