A pornographic novel celebrated by teenage idiots with no lives or brains. Anyone with half a mind can see how cliche, unrealistic, and mormon this novel is. It's basically Stephenie Meyer's sad view on what she wishes her life could be like. It's more of an add for abstinence and religion than an actually readable novel.
The story follows BELLA SWAN, a seventeen year old slut, who moves from Arizona to the little town of Forks, Washington. It obvious from the get-go that BELLA would more realistically be named Stephenie, because it's clear to all that she's just a self-insert. Anyways, BELLA is moving to give her mother and new stepfather some room to herself. This is an uncharacteristically mature decision that illustrates what a brat BELLA is.
When BELLA arrives at Forks High School, all of the male students immediately fall in love with her. No kidding, she has about five prom invitations by the end of chapter two. She is thrown into popularity and embraced by everyone but one girl, LAUREN, who is immediately shunned and never heard from again. The only person (other than LAUREN, of course) that doesn't seem to capture her attention is the absolutely radiant EDWARD CULLEN, a vegetarian vampire with "radiant, flashing" teeth the size of a pickaxe. Okay, not that big, but by the end of chapter three, you kind of begin to wonder whether Stephenie Meyer has a teeth fetish.
In EDWARD'S vampire clan live ALICE, an itsy bitsy yet absolutely perfect vampire, ROSALIE, a very tall yet absolutely perfect vampire, EMMETT, a very muscular yet absolutely perfect vampire, JASPER, a very sensitive yet absolutely perfect vampire, CARLISLE, a very compassionate yet absolutely perfect vampire, and ESME, who is, honestly, kind of is an obedient wife. Oh, no, that isn't totally overdone, Stephenie!
So, there BELLA is, wondering what she could possibly do to have offended EDWARD so much, when all of a sudden he falls in love with her! He then confesses that he is a vampire, and saves her from being raped from a bunch of kick-ass homeless guys. Because that, apparently, is what vampires do in their spare time.
So, after falling in luuuuurve with BELLA, EDWARD delivers the now infamous line that has pre-teen girls and sad-excuses-for-life-forms all over the world squealing fangirlishly. "You are my life now."
Did I mention anywhere that at this point in the novel, EDWARD begins sneaking into BELLA'S bedroom at night, not looking for cheap thrills like any self respecting man, but to watch her talk in her sleep. Can you say, "stalker"? I think that Stephenie Meyer may have suffered from molestation at some point in her life.
Now then, EDWARD takes her to meet the family, all of whom squeal and complement her in a way that completely flusters poor ole BELLA, who then acts clumsy and endears herself more to the reader. EDWARD then takes advantage of BELLA, convincing her to go play baseball with him and his family. They go play baseball. Whoop-de-friggin'-doo.
While playing baseball, the pivitol plot point happens. Thank god, because nothing else is going on. A group of stray vampire come along and smell BELLA. Yes, BELLA. Out of all of the possible human beings in the area, BELLA is the most attractive to them. Surprise, surprise, no?
EDWARD gets all growly and up in your face with JAMES, the leader of the other coven. JAMES goes into a feeding frenzy, and the CULLENS are forced to escape with BELLA. When ALICE, JASPER, and BELLA are at an airport in Phoenix, BELLA suffers another moment of maturity and runs away from her vampire guardians to take JAMES on on her own. This results with BELLA lying moaning on the floor of a dance studio, JAMES on top of her. It's never really made clear whether he's trying to suck her blood or if he's trying to get it on with her.
Just as it looks likes it's curtains for BELLA, EDWARD flies into the dance studio and begins battling JAMES. Amazingly enough, he wins. Who would have thought, huh?
BELLA has been bitten by JAMES, and the venom is slowly spreading throughout her body. EDWARD, for some reason, must suck out all of the venom before she becomes a vampire. Not CARLISLE, not ESME, but EDWARD.
EDWARD sucks out the venom. BELLA and EDWARD attend the prom together. EDWARD leans in and murmurs something along the lines of "You're my soulmate, Bella!" They kiss. The book ends.
Book 2 is called New Moon. I won't go into great detail about it, but somewhere in the second chapter, Edward says, "Suck it, Bella. I don't like you anymore. Bye, bitch!"
Bella then spends the remaining 32 chapters angsting about her teethy little vampire buddy. That is, when she isn't making out with her younger man, a werewolf named Jacob.
Twilight Fangirl: OMC! Edward is TEH WINZ!!! Luv! <3! SQUEE!
Twilight Fangirl #2: OMC, I know! 11!! 1!!! !1! EDWID fow PWEZIDENT!
Smart person: Um, you guys know that Twilight's just a way for a Mormon housewife to angst about the life she's always wished that she had, right?
Twilight Fangirl #1: Shu'up! You don't know NUTHIN bout my EDDIE-POO
Twilight Fangirl #2: Back away from my Jakey, BEEEE-OTCH!
A book series written by Stephenie Meyer that's captured that heart of gazillions of teenaged girls around the world. It's centered around the romance between Isabella Swan (Bella), the awkward new girl in school, and Edward Cullen, a gorgeous vampire she meets. Although the book is pretty addicting, it has to be the worse book i've ever read in terms of originality, clichés, plot, and writing.
The new girl in school who is awkward and clumsy and terrible at everything. How many times have we seen and read this?
The new girl falling in love with the hottest guy in school (Edward). No one saw that coming.
Despite the new girl's awkwardness and plain looks, the hottest guy in school falls in love with her. The epitome of originality, am I right? *sarcasm*
The new girl is hopelessly in love with the hottest guy in school to the point where you want to slap her because she'll do literally everything and anything the hottest guy in school will tell her to do just for him.
The vampire (who is the hottest guy in school), despite his love for the new girl, thirsts for her blood and struggles to control his bloodlust. Wow.
The vampire is a good vampire who doesn't want to hurt humans, so he feeds off of animals instead. *cough* Louis from Interview with the Vampire *cough*
The vampire thinks he's a monster and that the new girl should stay away from him if she values her lif...
A book with no literary value whatsoever. It's biggest fans tend to be fangirls
who are in love with Edward because they think he's sexy (despite the fact that he is merely a word).
There's no character development at all, and the protaganist, Bella Swan, would die without Edward, which leaves some of us to believe that she may, in fact, be a zombie due to the fact that she probably died sometime before the story even took place (thanks to her knack for falling in front of cars and other bullshit).
This book is so bad that I actually couldn't stomach to read it. I read more of Jane Austen than I did of Twilight. And I hate Jane Austen.
Read this if you want to look like an idiot in front of someone who isn't.
Example of a conversation about a good book:
That was awesome, it really left me thinking differently and feeling differently... I think it really did make a difference/imprint/something.
Example of a conversation about Twilight:
EDWARD IS SOOOOOO HAAAWWWTTT <3<3<3<3 luvluvluvluvluv edward culleennnn i'm MRS. CULLLENNN.... CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT???? WTF IS THAT!?
A book written by Stephanie Meyer.
The majority of the book is dialogue and lacks any use of literary devices and/or elements that truly make a story. With little to no description and two-dimensional characters that are the very definitions of "Mary-sue" and "Gary-stu," this story belongs on fanfiction.net, not in bookstores.
She can't go five minutes without talking about how gorgeous Edward is, and it's clear she's living out some sick, fangirl fantasy and getting money off of it.
It's popularity is only based on the fact that Edward Cullen is supposedly "godly" and the sexiest man alive. He's fictional and practically grey colored. Get over it.
Bella is stupid. She's whiney and clingy, like most Mary-sues. Edward is has no personality. He needs to just bite the stupid girl already and get on with his sparkly-suicidal-vampire life.
Love stories are great, this however, is garbage. The way they fall in love is stupid and shallow and based on looks and lust alone. What kind of message is that?
It's trash. Pure trash.
Please, go take an AP Lit class or pick up a novel by Austen or Hurston and you'll understand...or maybe you won't, Twilight Fans tend to be lacking in brain cells.
Fangirl: OMG EDWARD CULLEN FROM TWILIGHT IS SOOOOO HAWT I WANNA MARRY HIM!
Nonfan: I don't think vampires are supposed to sparkle though....
Fangirl: OMGWTFASLDFJAOSDIHWEONALSDGKLAHDSG!!!! EDWARD IS TEH AWESOMENESS!!!
Nonfan: ...And the book lacks any form or real character development...
Fangirl: OMG EDWARD IS SO HAWT STFU!
Nonfan: Uh...I think I'm going to go call 911...
HARRY POTTER IS BETTER THAN THIS PIECE OF JUNK! I hate it when all of the girls drool over Edward Cullen! And the plot is really shallow. And, it's Harry Potter's rival, and NO ONE MESSES WITH HARRY POTTER!
Harry Potter fights and kills Bella and Edward, proving that Harry Potter is better than Twilight.
A very horrible book written by Stephenie Meyer which brainwahses tweens and stay at home moms into thinking that the perfect man is a controlling liar,and an old cradle robbing vampire. Oh also Bella Swan is a key device that shows all females that they can't do shit for themselves. The man is always right and the woman is weak sexual play toy that must be protected like property.I just want to get out my pots and pans so I can start cleaning when I read this book. Or I might just go to sleep and wait for a vampire to stalk me.
Can i hear a Cullen knows best over here????
"Before you, Bella, my life was like an R rated movie. Very dark, but there were always women- some fat and some skinny but they were all to strong And then you shot across lap like pornstar. Suddently I was on fire; there was brilliancy, there was passion. When you were gone, when you disobeyed me, everything went black. I became angry, but my eyes were blinded by the smell of your blood. I couldn't see the whores anymore. And there was no more reason for me let you do anything for yourself.'"
a quote from twilight that has been edited so you don't get brainwashed
A book that has garnered the affection of tweenies everywhere; it tells of the neurotic, paranoid relationship between two people. They are both jealous of their rivals and continually try to kill themselves to get out of their boring lives. Neither has much of a personality to speak of though they find one another fascinating, possibly because they have never before met anyone as boring and one dimensional as themselves.
an extract from Twilight:
"Edward, what about ROSALIE?!"
"She means nothing to me, but what about Mike?!"
"Ugh you have nothing to worry about! Please don't try to kill yourself again! I mean, I don't really like Italy, maybe if the Volturi could relocate to Paris?"
"Isabella. I feel as though you are not taking me seriously. Are you shagging Jacob on the side??"
Probably one of the most popular books to hit the shelf in 2006, following through with 2007 sequals. Many girls of their early teen years have absolutely fallen in love with this book, and it's caused a rabid swarm of binders and notebooks sporting the words 'I love Edward Cullen
.' I blame the books on a higher rate of girls believing themselves to be dark and alone, and this book has caused quite a few of the people I know to believe they are vampires.
Despite the length of the books, I find it to be a fairly poor piece of literature. I have read the first two, and the two main characters completely lack origionality. Bella is nothing but a sniveling girl who takes advantage of some people, and then grovels at the feet of others. Edward is obviously a vampire thirsty for, ironically, Bella's blood, and at the same time he is abstinant from drinking from humans. In all sense Edward should draw himself away from such a 'dangerous'individual-- that or eat her. Many people fail to notice that the characters circulating around the main pair, such as Alice
, and the rest of the crew are a lot more interesting, and less involved in cliche lives to match those of the main characters.
In any case. It's an entertaining book to read when you have nothing else to do, but ther...