often omitted in elementary and high school science courses because of its controversial origins, toolidity is a unit of measurement that, through the systematic application of a toolometer, accurately reflects to what degree a particular human being is a tool. Measured in degrees of T (°T), most individuals inherit a relatively safe and healthy range of toolidity – anywhere between 0-10°T. It is impossible to register less than 0 °T. While it is very common for people, especially teenagers, to vacillate drastically on the toolidity scale, only when one consistently has a toolidity of 37.8°T should he or she be considered to “live in a toolbox.” On such rare occasions, tools should seek counsel with qualified toolologists. The most impressive example of toolidity on record is 120.42°T, but toolologists have postulated that there is, indeed, no end to the level of toolidity.
"Father, Father," cried Jonny, "my lab partner from Biology class, Tom, told me about this cool new thing called a Snuggie...can I get one?" Satirically, the father replied, "God, no! Have you any idea the effect that would have on this household's toolidity?"
by Doc Mullady March 30, 2009