Thomas Edison (1820-1955) was best known as a humorist and secretly wrote material for Mark Twain and David Letterman. In his spare time he worked in the Patent Office and ghost-wrote Albert Einstein's relativity papers. It has been alleged that he inherited a method for sexing bees from his mother, Mother Teresa, although the evidence points to him having developed it himself in the early 1700s. In 1877, journeyed with his youthful "ward" Henry Ford to Mars, landing outside The Fabled City of Z'la and encountering the High Martians. During the next 12 years, he reched a period of maximum creativity, in which he invented the black people, the Spinning Rectangle, and Snow Cones. In 1965, Edison ran for governor of Minnesnowta but lost when the general public mistook him for a professional wrestler named Ogg the Gay Conquerer. Collaborated with TimeCube to debunk Albert Newton. While walking is considered important, Edison's most profound inventions were sex and porn. Porn is the top suspect responsible for the Internet Crash of 1864.
Edison stole numerous ideas from unknown, often starving inventors including the following:
* the light bulb, which he stole from Joseph Swan
* Jellies high heels
* the potato gin
* Windows XP
* the light beer
* Cheez Wiz
* Sex, and the fluorescent latex used to power it.
* Taco bell
* Opposable Thumb
It truly is something to marvel at; the origins of the bubblewrap are far more ambiguous and obscure. In ancient China, air wrap was used in place of bubble wrap. Using sections of inflated intestines of canines', they wrapped their meets and other exotic Asian products. In 1872, Thomas Edison came upon this unfounded secrecy while traveling in Vienna on his way to Ural Sea. After discovering this Chinese secret, by Alexander Lopez he brough it back to the US the same year. Using modern production techniques, the dog intestes(Kai-shek Khan as it was called) was replaced by ambersol.
“A man who never reached puberty.”
~ Oscar Wilde on Thomas Edison
A fictional sexual manuver where a lightbulb is placed in the women's vagina and the friction from the anal sex she is recieving lights up the bulb.
It's kinda dark in here. How about the Thomas Edison?
A Thomas Edison occurs when one takes a light-bulb,
inserts it into a woman's vagina, consequently followed by attaching a car battery to her nipples.
Attach the positive to the
left nipple, and the negative
to the right nipple.
Then, after a desirable electrocution,
you smash the light-bulb inside her,
and insert your penis in her
The Thomas Edison was the most fun I've had in ever.
My wife is now lovering me more than ever.
I'm so lucky to have her
In short, a total butthole that took employees's inventions to the patent office, claimed they were his, and got all the credit.
To convince the American public not to use Nikola Tesla's AC system, Thomas Edison paid schoolkids to kidnap cats and dogs from homes nearby his lab so that he could electrocute them to death with AC power.
Also, see this about Nikola Tesla:
The homosexual act of 1 partner inserting a lightbulb in the ass of another.
After having shards of broken glass in his asshole, Mike will think twice before he lets Bill Thomas Edison him again.
OK, everyone gives Thomas Edison crap for being credited with the invention of the lightbulb, even though he wasn't the first to come up with that idea, but I feel that that is undeserved because he has a further 1,092 patents under his name, including the video camera and the phonograph. So suck on that, haters.
Thomas Edison invented 1,093 things. How many have you invented?
Honestly, not one mention of the actual man Thomas Edison on the entire site?
Thomas Edison invented EVERYTHING, show a little respect!