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1.
The French Press originated in Normandy, France and was popular among existensialist figures such as Camus and Sartre.

The sexual act, found to be highly pleasurable, begins with anal intercourse between a man and another biotic being, whether it be a man, woman, child or goat --any creature with an anus will do.

After the creature has taken a strong laxative (Nat-Lax TNT will do), the "pitcher" will fuck the "catcher" thouroghly in the ass until his urethra is fully packed with diarrhea. He then pulls out his cock and allows for the shit to harden in his urethra (this process can be accelerated by the use of a hair dryer). The partner proceeds to give him a gentle yet firm hand job, being sure to collect all the hardened shit as it is pressed out of the cock. Finally, the weiner poop (see: Scrotie McBoogerballs) is ground in a coffee grinder to a fine consistency and brewed, similar to a dark, rich French roast.

Suggested serving techniques include adding one tablespoon of cream or milk and a pinch of sugar. The resulting drink is then shared by all parties, often popular in bear-orgies where the tonic serves as a mild aphrodisiac.
No, me and the Mrs. employed The French Press last night and brewed some Asspresso. Would you like one cream or two?
by Joe and Cody September 27, 2010