Much like the famed Higgs Boson, no one is sure where The Wiggity came from, or where he is at any given time. He is easily identified by his unique juxtaposition of plaid and stripes, though sometimes he wears desert camouflage- just for the hell of it (some claim it's to avoid errant drone strikes, others think he just likes the color of sand.) Usually drunk and often high, he's always leaving his sister's graduation or going to it. He doesn't know where to get the good shit, but he's got a dime on that twenty sack. He doesn't believe in guns, but he will strangle you with his shoelaces unless the flunitrazepam works extra fast. He cannot be bought, but he is easily sold. Just don't tell him where he put his beer.
Where's The Wiggity? I dunno, the bathroom or something.