Cut a pine in half length-wise, and then cut in down more on the sides so that it is more javelin shaped.(at this point there should be sap dripping from the inside of the pine.) then have two of your friends hoist your road beef by the legs so that she is doing a upside down split. Then from any distance that you are comfortable with, huck your homemade javelin in to your unsuspecting girl's uterus. Then precede to use it as a dildo.
"hey Jim me and a couple of guys are going to give some girl The Sticky Lumberjack wanna come?"