When preparing to fuck a girl in the dark, swap your condom package for an Alka-Seltzer package. She will hear the package rip open and assume everything is normal. Now, quickly cram the effervescent tablet up that bitch's box and watch in awe as it foams and bubbles out of her cunt, resembling a rabid dog's mouth. The fuck-savvy may be able to get a few quick pumps in before the whore realizes what's happening. Good luck and Godspeed.
"Dammit, I need to go get my pussy evacuated now."