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1.
Whilst having sex with a girl keep a sausage (raw or cooked) in your hand. After a few minutes remove your penis from her as you shove the sausage inside. Tuck your penis between your legs and scream. As she turns around she will still feel something inside her but it will look like your penis is missing.
This is called The Leper.

Bonus points for adding ketchup or fake blood for extra realism.
'I'm going to have sex tonight!'
'Make sure you do The Leper, here, take this sausage.'
'You're a great friend.'
by The 413 August 25, 2012