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1.
So you're fucking a girl doggy style and you act like her cooch is getting dry so you say "Hold up baby, let me get some lube". Except you don't get lube; you get a fucking NFL sized football with a Miami Dolphins logo on it. She's just moaning and waiting for the KY and you set up that pigskin laces out. Then you yell "MARINOOOOO!!!" and kick that ball for her two holes. You have a friend waiting in the closet who jumps out and gives the field goal sign yelling "Laces out Dan!!". If it's in her pussy (and sticks): 1 point, and if it's in her ass (and sticks): 3 points. In addition, if you carry the girl out to a large body of salt water, with the football stuck in either hole, then it's 6 points and a mermaid will jump out of the ocean/sea/brackish swamp with arms up and yell "TOUCHDOWN!!!" as you spike that ho into the water.
Casey- "Dude, that girl at your place last night looked pretty washed up this morning"

Justin- "Yeah man. Well, you can't blame her- I pulled The Dan Marino on that bitch. And... I went for the touchdown."
by ASHEVILLE BEAST October 12, 2009