In the beginning the bountiful Lord created war. It is not known why God in his majesty did such a silly thing. He was grounded for a week. As if it wasn't bad enough he also had a baby with someone else's wife and it was naughty. Around this time God invented condoms but the Catholics confiscated them. They were strawberry flavoured as well. God was really sneaky and then invented femidoms, but no one used them because they looked silly. To make up for the condom incident God invented peace and also pizza. God then killed his son because he was stealing this thunger (literally). And then God had a new son with the angel Gabrielle and called it Chuck Norris.
The Bible is always right.
The most disputed collection of books in existence. Contain many life morals, Logic Flaws, and contradictions. WILL cause a heated argument with a zealous Christian if you even dare question so much as a word in it Often thumped by devout followers and used as an excuse to preform radical, and absurd acts. It's meanings are misinterpreted, and skewed by the Bible thumpers that "study it".
Bible Thumper: HAVE YOU HEARD THE GOOD WORD ABOUT OUR LORD AND SAVIOUR JESUS CHRIST WHO DIED FOR YOUR SINS? NO? IT STATES IT IN THE BIBLE, WHICH IF YOU DON'T READ AND ACCEPT AS THE WORD OF GOD YOU WILL GO TO HELL! BUT IT'S NOT TOO LATE FOR YOU TO BE SAVED! JUST COME TO OUR CHURCH AND----
Me: Kthanksbai *slams door*
Bible Thumper: BLAH BLAH BLAH RELIGIOUS QUOTE BLAH BLAH BLAH, TALK UNTIL I FEEL JUSTIFIED EVEN THOUGH THE DOOR WAS SHUT IN MY FACE. BLAH BLAH BLAH I DON'T QUESTION FUNDAMENTAL FLAWS OF RELIGION AND THE BIBLE. BLAH BLAH BLAH JOHN 3:16 BLAH BLAH BLAH I MOLEST CHILDREN.
An annoying and seemingly unending collection of literary works that were established by one story that was told to an old man by a talking bush.
Gradually, the story was recollected and rewritten and is now worshipped by brainwashed followers of an unproven historical event.
The millions of homes in which this book inhabits persist that followers symbolically eat the flesh and drink the blood of Christ, who is Jewish and his own father.
The book has sexist innuendoes such as Adam being made in "God's" likeness where as Eve was made of a piece of Adam's rib bone and dust.
The most fantastic piece of fiction ever written.
"That story we had to read could never happen."
"Yeah, just like the Bible."
A book that is only understood with the Spirit.
From the physical standpoint, the book is words and confusion. From the spiritual standpoint, it makes sense.
The Bible often speaks in symbols, the language of the subconscious-soul. For example, Eve being taken from Adam's rib/side means that man and woman are two parts of a whole. This is something people don't understand.
The coolest parts in the Bible are the explained differences between the flesh and the spirit, Jesus talking, and angels coming to people's dreams.
The Bible owns.
A book of fairy tales that religous fanatics use as an excuse to breed hate.
Gay marriage and drugs are amoral and therefore wrong according to The Bible so ill have my senator make them illegal. FUCK THIS BOOK!
An ingenious scam developed by book salesmen in 0BC
They wrote a book called 'The Bible' which was a #1 Best Seller across the middle east and then spread across the planet.
'The Bible' tells the story of Jesus and all his pals.
These salesmen, and Jesus, slowly gathered a large number of followers and plotted to take over the universe.
Friend: I just finished reading 'The Bible', it's awesome
You: Yeah, I hope there's a sequel
Friend: Man, I hate those 'Door-to-Door Biblemen'
You: Give them a break, Jesus told them to do it.
A book written about how God chose to create the world and humanity. The story continues with God interacting with humanity through the israelites. Humans sin, and God can't be around sin, but Jesus comes around and by paying the price for sin, death, Jesus makes it possible for humanity to relate to God again.
The Bible is about how God relates to humanity, and many people believe that it is truth. A very controversial book, has stories, advice, a moral code, and descriptions of how people can relate back to God
If you are interested in learning about Christianity, the Bible is a good place to start.