(v) slang meaning Useless or Inept
Commonly used to downplay one's achievements or actions

See; Spud
(Watching football) Guy 1: Man, that play was a disaster. Watson should be dropped.
Guy 2: Yeah he's an absolute tess.
by OC, The Best June 20, 2016
A Tess is someone who has brown hair with a pink streak. She lives in Miami. She is shy when you first meet her, and is quiet and awkward in front of people who she is intimidated or uncomfortable around, because she is a bit insecure. But as soon as they leave, a Tess will become an entirely different person. She will become loud, and aggressive, and will usually take the spotlight. Tess is able to make friends, but it usually takes a while. People usually think she is snobby, because she is shy, or that she is a loser because she has a hard time making new friends, but she is actually not. She is discriminated against sometimes because she is overweight, only by a couple of pounds, but is in a school full of ugly, confident, anorexics. She is obsessed with One Direction and Selena Gomez, and is smart, but makes average grades. Overall, Tess is a very nice person who will be loyal, and faithful to you through practically anything.
Group of snobs:
Snob 1: Wow Tess is so fat :o
Snob 2: IKR!
Snob 3: What a loser.

All: Laughing

At party with group of friends:
New Person 1: *arrives* Hi everyone

Tess: HI! MY NAMES TESS. WATERMELON :DDDDD
Me and friends: Yeah, she's crazy <3
(2 months later)
Person 1: LOOOL I LOVE TESS. I WENT TO HER HOUSE YESTERDAY AND HER DOG WAS ALL LIKE WOOF, AND HER LITTLE BROTHER IS SOO WIERD HE LIKE CHASED US AROUND WITH A WATER GUN (etc..)
by abbyheartscheerios August 23, 2012
Plural of tests.
I have to study tonight, I have two tesses to take at school tomorrow.
by DRM December 22, 2003
Cock thirsty ratchet ass hoe.
Jemmy - "Hey, whose that whore over there?"
Judy - "Who? Tess?"
by JussAyKunt November 28, 2012
BAMF. outgoing. narcotic. fucked up. insecure. emotional. restless. discontent. passive aggressive. people pleaser. user. abuser. honest. blonde. scared. peter pan. blunt. judgmental. intuitive. right. protective. owned. loved. hated. famous. hater. true. embarrassing. proud. Doesn’t take shit from anyone.
tess of the d'urbervilles
by DR031ISE* July 26, 2009
A name given to girls who are somewhat smart, but still barely pass tests and quizzes. Tesses are usually extremely hot and have gorgeous legs and an awesome ass. They are not really sluts, but might slip in a quick blow now and then.
Tess: Wow, I only passed this course by 2%!

Random guy: OK, great...
So how about a bj?

Tess: Sure, why not...
by pussyfucker299890.3 January 22, 2010
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