First off, Teddy Roosevelt is not human. He is a quantum fourth dimensional being. His physical form is the only way our mortal minds can perceive his greatness. During the Spanish-American War, it is said Teddy Roosevelt made the Rough Riders. False. Teddy Roosevelt was the Rough Riders. He was a literal one man army. He could liquify people with his intense stares and melt their organs with a twitch of his perfect mustache. Teddy Roosevelt became a cowboy once, but this was not by choice. He just decided to take advantage of his ability to whistle and summon horses straight from the ground. Teddy Roosevelt was once shot before trying to give a speech. The only thing stopping the bullet from entering his heart was the speech in his breast pocket. He gave the speech anyways, bleeding profusely. The doctor just started operating on him during his presentation. But see, Teddy Roosevelt cannot be harmed. His body is made of pure stem cells. He merely allowed his body to be harmed to woo the crowd. All medical records of Teddy Roosevelt have been hidden away, because each time he was cut open to be operated on, they just found a smaller Teddy Roosevelt inside of him. Not a baby, but a homunculus, monocle included. It is said Teddy Roosevelt died in his sleep. His Vice President stated that should Teddy have been awake, there would have been a fight. This is partly true. Teddy would in fact have gone mano y mano with the grim reaper himself.
"Dude! Chuck Norris jokes are great!"
"Obviously you haven't heard of our lord and savior Teddy Roosevelt."
"Obviously you haven't heard of our lord and savior Teddy Roosevelt."
by SirGiggles February 16, 2017
The most kick ass president in the history of the United States. He was a cowboy, liked hunting, and was a man's man, except for his name,but we'll overlook that.
His only mistake ever was not killing a bear while it was caught in a trap, causing his name to be associated with stuffed toys that little children molest at night.
His only mistake ever was not killing a bear while it was caught in a trap, causing his name to be associated with stuffed toys that little children molest at night.
by ACrazyHobo October 24, 2006
A sexual maneuver where you use sandpaper in place of a condom and have anal sex with someone causing massive bleeding and pain. Derived from Teddy Roosevelt being a rough rider.
Chris: What's the most horrible disgusting sexual maneuver you can possibly think of?
Everyone: The Teddy Roosevelt!!!
Everyone: The Teddy Roosevelt!!!
by Ev3ntH0r1z0n November 15, 2010
The act of having your sexual partner ignore the fact that you have just ejaculated on their chest, usually continuing sex as if nothing happened.
Girl: Cmon, ram me harder, yes! Yes!
Guy: Uh, I already blew my loa-
Girl: HARDER!!
Guy: Fuck, your pulling a teddy roosevelt
Guy: Uh, I already blew my loa-
Girl: HARDER!!
Guy: Fuck, your pulling a teddy roosevelt
by jillstobbs_ September 2, 2017
A sex move that is preformed by the male partner (in a heterosexual encounter). To perform the Teddy Roosevelt, you must simply engage in intercourse as you normally would. After you finish, you get up without speaking to or making eye contact with your partner, wipe your dick on the curtains, and leave without ever returning. Obviously this move cannot be performed in your own home, since it requires you to never return to where it was performed.
Guy 1: Did you ever hear from that girl at the party again?
Guy 2: Nope, I totally pulled a Teddy Roosevelt on her.
Guy 2: Nope, I totally pulled a Teddy Roosevelt on her.
by MCRFB October 10, 2013
A name that is generally used as a nickname for the 26th president of the united states. He disliked being called teddy and prefered that people adress him by his rank. While growing up, Mr. Roosevelt had severe asthma, to the point where he had to sleep standing up sometimes. He was picked on for this, and his father encouraged him to take up boxing for self defense, he became experianced and practiced it in college, at Harvard.
He decided to retire to the badlands after his fall through with politics and his first wife's death. He became a deputy sheriff, and one time, he hunted down 3 men who had stolen his river boat. After a particularly bad winter where he lost most of his cattle he decided to move back east.
He married again and became interested in politics once more. In the 1900 election he was put on the republican ballot as v-p to McKinnley (the republicans feared him, for even though he was a part of their party he was too radical, so they decided to let him be v-p one time to quench his desire to hold office, they belived that he would step down afterwards). Unfortunatly for the republicans, McKinnley was shot in 1901 by some anarchist.
Mr. Roosevelt quickly started to change the way things ran, he started breaking up trusts; he was the first president to do so, which resulted in his nickname the "trustbuster". Whenever he did not get his way in congress, he would give a speech to the public, then the public would complain to their senators and representitives until Mr. Roosevelt got his way. He labled the white house a "bully pulpit" which was the perfect place for him to give his speeches.
Quick things about Mr. Roosevelt:
-one of the first presidents to have his voice recorded
-first predient to settle a labor dispute
-first,(and I believe only) president to win the nobel peace prize
-he set up a group of soliders known as the "rough riders" during the Spanish American War and they kicked ass
-he got the rights for the Panama Canal to be built
-he set off huge acres of land in America for conservation
-he liked to hunt wild animals for sport, he killed mountain lions with knives ocasionally
His presidency lasted from 1901-1909. His hand picked sucsesor, Taft, became the next president. Many of Taft's decisions enraged Mr. Roosevelt, which caused him to create the bull moose party and run for re-election in 1912. During one of his speeches Mr. Roosevelt was shot in the chest, but a folded copy of his 50 page speech and his glasses case in his chest pocket slowed the bullet. He hypothisized that the bullet did no major damage based on the fact that he was not coughing up blood. He continued the speech with, "Ladies and gentlemen, I don't know whether you fully understand that I have just been shot; but it takes more than that to kill a Bull Moose."; he decided not to have the bullet removed and he lived with it for the rest of his life.
Theodore Roosevelt was one of the countries greatest preidents and is currently ranked as number 5-6 on many surveys.
He decided to retire to the badlands after his fall through with politics and his first wife's death. He became a deputy sheriff, and one time, he hunted down 3 men who had stolen his river boat. After a particularly bad winter where he lost most of his cattle he decided to move back east.
He married again and became interested in politics once more. In the 1900 election he was put on the republican ballot as v-p to McKinnley (the republicans feared him, for even though he was a part of their party he was too radical, so they decided to let him be v-p one time to quench his desire to hold office, they belived that he would step down afterwards). Unfortunatly for the republicans, McKinnley was shot in 1901 by some anarchist.
Mr. Roosevelt quickly started to change the way things ran, he started breaking up trusts; he was the first president to do so, which resulted in his nickname the "trustbuster". Whenever he did not get his way in congress, he would give a speech to the public, then the public would complain to their senators and representitives until Mr. Roosevelt got his way. He labled the white house a "bully pulpit" which was the perfect place for him to give his speeches.
Quick things about Mr. Roosevelt:
-one of the first presidents to have his voice recorded
-first predient to settle a labor dispute
-first,(and I believe only) president to win the nobel peace prize
-he set up a group of soliders known as the "rough riders" during the Spanish American War and they kicked ass
-he got the rights for the Panama Canal to be built
-he set off huge acres of land in America for conservation
-he liked to hunt wild animals for sport, he killed mountain lions with knives ocasionally
His presidency lasted from 1901-1909. His hand picked sucsesor, Taft, became the next president. Many of Taft's decisions enraged Mr. Roosevelt, which caused him to create the bull moose party and run for re-election in 1912. During one of his speeches Mr. Roosevelt was shot in the chest, but a folded copy of his 50 page speech and his glasses case in his chest pocket slowed the bullet. He hypothisized that the bullet did no major damage based on the fact that he was not coughing up blood. He continued the speech with, "Ladies and gentlemen, I don't know whether you fully understand that I have just been shot; but it takes more than that to kill a Bull Moose."; he decided not to have the bullet removed and he lived with it for the rest of his life.
Theodore Roosevelt was one of the countries greatest preidents and is currently ranked as number 5-6 on many surveys.
qoute about Teddy Roosevelt after his death: "Death had to take him sleeping, for if Roosevelt had been awake there would have been a fight"
by invaderzerock June 14, 2009
An alcoholic beverage that consists of a beer, a shot of vodka, a shot of whiskey, a shot of rum and crushed adderal all mixed into a beer bong.
A Teddy Roosevelt will fuck you up.
by tripsaplenty May 1, 2011