A town in Fife, Scotland with a welcome sign which reads "please die carefully" as opposed to "please drive carefully". Was once famous for the notorious Helter Skelter slide which has now been taken away. In Tayport the further up the hill you live the posher you are. Right at the bottom of the hill we have "the millies" this is where all the mental Tayport residents reside. Right at the top of the hill is where all the knobs live. Tayport Primary School is awful. The playground is a concrete death trap with disgusting, tacky plant pots randomly placed - it doesn't really make sense. The Dolphin Centre has been visited by every resident of Tayport. It holds a place in every Tayportian childs heart as they all at some point went to Buzz Club. There are two main parks in Tayport "the common" and "the top park." The Top Park is where the wannabe skaters hang out. They can't skate for shit and think Fall Out Boy is heavy metal but they are harmless. The Common is where the kids go for a kick-about. It is also a favourite place for dogs to shit all over the place. Tayport is the home of the alcoholic. There are more pubs in Tayport than you would think would be needed but really this abundance of pubs just caters for the numerous alcoholics that live in Tayport. Really there is fuck all to do in Tayport and so it is good that you can always catch a bus to Dundee. Problem is these buses never come on time or don't turn up. The bus drivers are wankers also.
by Ronnie Bomber May 15, 2013