| 1. | Taser Monkey | ||
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A police officer, especially one who reflexively uses his or her Taser in situations in which a real cop would rely on his or her wits and communication skills. Peace Loving Citizen: Excuse me, officer, might you have the time?
Taser Monkey (later, to Grand Jury): The perpetrator approached me and presented a reasonable request in a peaceable manner. I had no choice but to tase him. And tasers are "non-lethal" so it's obvious he died on purpose just to frame me. Grand Jury: But your victim was a 90-year-old man with a heart condition in a wheelchair with an oxygen tank... asking for the time. And you killed him. Taser Monkey: Exactly. He could have been a terrorist with a wheelchair bomb, plotting to kill me and everyone else in the area. A lesser cop might have answered with the time and we could all be dead right now! Grand Jury: Oh right! What were we thinking? Of course we'll side with you no matter what. Fuck the citizens! |
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