Advice to anyone willing to travel to Strathaven:
- Do not wear red.
- Do not use words longer than 4 letters, or the local residents will undertake confusion.
- Do not bring any object that is younger than 20 years old, or this will also cause confusion.
- In all honesty, do not go at all unless you want to be bludgeoned by an unintelligent being.
- If you are willing to purchase any items in the area, the currency used locally is Monopoly Money.
- If you are willing to go to Hell early and not risk a merciless death, just dig a few metres in the centre of the town. You'll find it.
Person 1: Hey man, you want to go down to Strathaven later?
Person 2: Strathaven?! Holy Christ, are you feeling alright?
Person 1: Oh yeah, I heard it was forgotten by God..
Person 3: Woohoo we're all going down to Strathaven later!
Person 4: I went to Strathaven once, how do you think I look like this?
Person 3: Holy shit on a cracker! That's naaasty! I think we'll pass on that trip to Strathaven!
Person 4: Damn right.
Strathaven is located down in South Lanarkshire, Scotland, just 23 miles from big bad Glasgow. It's got a bulky population of about 7,700 and was given the Royal Charter (Makes the town a special place) in 1450. It was a very popular place for industries, until Glasgow had to be as big and annoying as it is now and steal the business. But the wee Strathavenites carried on with their business. Even the Romans used this wee place as a market town before they got scared off by us wonderful (I mean barbaric) Scots. The town prospered in the 18th century and is still on the map surviving compared to other 'dying' Scottish towns being overrun with underage alcoholics and reprobates. It's a very nice place to live according to people I know and that some famous people from history have resided there (Probably all anonymous to everyone outside Scotland). But I suggest everyone go take a visit to this supposedly lovely burgh, but do try and avoid ugly East Kilbride on the way there! Unless you want to break your face whilst ice skating and firecrackers launched at you outside of Argos, but that's a different matter! Also, those two friends are amazing and I love them both.
Person 2 - Sure! I don't want to break my face!
Person 3 - Hey, we should head to Strathaven later
Person 4 - You're right, that place has a lot going for it
Person 5 - STRATHAVEN IS AWESOME! BRING ON THAT AWESOMENESS! FEEL THAT AWESOMENESS!
Person 6 - ...