Once only available in the darkest corners of the hood, Steel Reserve can now be found in supermarkets, liquor stores, and lying sideways next to unconscious transients all across America. Although notably foul tasting, this is a drink that will take you where you want to go (quickly and cheaply). At $.99 a tallboy, I find it possible to get drunk on the amount of change found under the couch, without even having to look in my car’s ashtray.
The Steel Reserve logo is a stylized number 211, which aside from being an ancient symbol for steel, is also the penal code # for armed robbery. It’s likely that steel reserve has been the inspiration for many a convenience store jacking. Poor judgment and personal injury are notoriously correlated with the consumption of Steel Reserve. The drink’s harsh flavor effectively masks the high alcohol content, leaving the drinker confused as to how much he has actually consumed. Even experienced drinkers get into trouble when partying with the 2-1-1.
Dude1: “Man, you look like shit, what happened to your face?”
Dude2: “I hit up the Steel Reserve last night.”
Dude1: “ah” *nods in understanding* (as if no further explanation is needed)
Bum: "You're kidding me. I get all of that for a buck?"
Sales Clerk: "It's no joke, sir."
Bum: "So lemme get this right - I get a great taste AND a low price?"
Sales Clerk: "You can't drink that in the store, sir."
Bum: "My, my... you don't see THESE in the dumpster everyday."
Sales Clerk: "I'm going to have to call security."
Depending on a persons alcoholic tolerance, the following applies to a typical experience with the 211.
1st Tall can. Major buzz starting to unfold after the last sip.
2nd Tall can, Walking becomes a challenge
3rd Tall can. Lost ability to walk, now focused on crawling.
4th Tall can, All of a persons ability to think to himself is lost and all subconscious and conscious thoughts are effectively excommunicated out the mouth. .
5th Tall can, Very rarely has every been attempted. If one utters a barely recognizable sentence it is considered the equivalent of obtaining a PHD at Berkley.
6th Tall can, The only way to experience the 6th is in the afterlife after your blood becomes 100% alcohol.
or oh i'm so steel reserve right now, i'm about to dance on the table.