A highly inventive and entertaining sport, played with the help of non-metal spatulas and an average-sized spherical beach ball. Winning countless awards for its structure and violence, Spatchball is the booming minor league activity of the next generation. Teams consist of the AthELITES and Non-AthElites, where the names of the organizations directly correlate to the outcome of the match. Both Standard Court Spatchball "SCS" and Basketball Spatchball have the sole purposes of scoring goals, 2 pts, and hitting opponents in the face with the ball, 1 pt, otherwise known as "spatchface." One can bounce, dribble, throw, alley oop, shoot, pass, deflect or push the spatchball on any part of the court in order to score/spatchface. Both cross checking and hooking are encouraged and badass. Spatchball can only be played with non-metal spatulas and no body parts, foreign objects or other random ass kitchen appliances. In the event of one dropping his or her own spatula this results in two minutes in the penalty box while the rest of the teammates must play a man down. In the spring, Roller Spatchball becomes the leading game, played with all of the same rules just insanely more dangerous. On a side note: Duct tape is both used and encouraged on spatulas to differentiate among players equipment and provide an extended level of accuracy when hitting the ball. First team to 20 pts (AthELITES) wins.
Random Bystander: Dude, what the fuck are you doing with a beach ball and spatula? Get a fricken job.
Spatchball Player: Ok, "Ryan" I'll get the fuck on that, I'm in the middle of a Spatchball game so if you don't GTFO I may have to spatchface your ass.