South Bend isn't that bad. It lies in a strategic area of the Midwest and is a little over 2 hours from Chicago, maybe 2 and-a-half from Indianapolis, and maybe 3 hours or so from Detroit. Besides, it is at least a nice college town and home to the Fighting Irish of the University of Notre Dame.
"Aw man, you want to cruise the strip with us?"
"no how about I just blow my brains out instead."
"We're going over to tony's(everyone knows a tony there) and we're gonna do coke and get drunk and get high" "but its 2 in the afternoon on a tuesday""yeah so?"
"where you staying at now?" "I'm over at my moms place" "you're 40!" "so?" "atleast I have a job." "where?" "I make pizzas at barnabys"
Newest Billboards for town say,
"South Bend, don't get caught between lydac and osceola after sunset!""lincolnway, highway through hell"
"dude check out the new sound system my buddy tyreese got in his 84 caprice!" "What, the entire trunk is about to fall off!""yeah, well he had to drill a hole through the lock so his subs don't get stolen again" "thats it, I'm moving. Fuck this town."
You know you're from South Bend when...
- You have to tell out-of-towners you're from South Bend when you're really from Mishawaka or Granger, and append that statement with "you know, where Notre Dame is"
- You make more money selling parking on your front lawn during ND football season than at your minimum wage job at UP Mall
- No matter what ND coach you get, you think he's going to return the program to its glory days. Case examples: Bob, Ty and Charlie
- You prefer Bud over Amstel because why would you get a twelve-pack when you can get a case for the same price?
- You refer to your weekdays by bar names, i.e. Corby Tuesdays, Rum Runner Wednesdays
- You are tailgating in autumn Saturdays
- You get your booze in Michigan on Sundays
- You know what Dyngus Day is and don't see anything eccentric about having a holiday devoted to beer and Polish sausage
- Steak N' Shake on a Friday night after the football game is a revered tradition. Letter jackets and warm-ups mandatory.
- You've ridden the kiddie bikes up and down the Meijer toy aisle on a random Friday night
- You think you're too good for Wal-mart, but you'd still buy clothes at Meijer
- Birthday parties as a kid were spent at USA Roller Rink, Chuck E Cheese, Putt Putt and Ritters (yum!)
- Euchre is a card game staple, even before Texas Hold 'Em, and you carry a deck with you always
- You’ve ever partied in a barn
- You know several people who have hit a deer on more than one occasion
- You've ever done a donut on a random cul-de-sac in Granger because the snow trucks don't clear the snow there for some three weeks
- You've gone to grade school in four feet of snow
- The second it hits the 40-degree mark in late February, you’re donning the shorts and flip-flops again
- The fanciest restaurant you've eaten at all year was Olive Garden
- You know at least three high school classmates who have gotten pregnant
- If you're not married by 24, you fear you will be an old maid
- If you're not pregnant by 20, you fear you are infertile
- You got excited when UP Mall finally added Abercrombie & Fitch, because whoa... high fashion!
- You know at least one person whose family moved out of South Bend to get them out of SBCSC and into PHM
- You look back and think what a pain it was to have to explain the whole "we don't change the clocks, ever" thing to out-of-towners
- Your out-of-state friends laugh at you because they think you grow corn, and you laugh at them because ha, you don’t grow corn. But sadly, you know somebody who does.
Unlike the rest of Indiana, South Bend is a city where white trash outnumber cows.
SB Tuesday - doing nothing.
SB Wednesday - doing nothing.
SB Thursday - doing nothing.
SB Friday - getting high and listening to Umphreys wondering where to go.
SB Saturday - getting drunk as hell at ND tailgating .
SB Sunday - going to church and begging God for forgiveness.