1) An undervalued being, typically possessing low to no self-esteem, whom attempts to validate her existence by subjecting her spawn to meaningless activities and structure, often vandalizing her own vehicle, home and/or office space with memorabilia in an attempt to show others that she has not yet died.

2) A time bomb waiting to detonate in a therapist's office or a grocery check-out line after finding her double off coupon is no longer valid.
"But Mom, I just want to slash my wrists and listen to 311--"

"Mini-Van, ball, now!"
by Machiavelli August 30, 2003
Any parent (most commonly female) who seeks to impose their ethical and moral standards upon the rest of the world, justifying the suppression of all other views by claiming it is for the protection of their children. Soccer moms believe that they are all great parents, despite their inability or unwillingness to take responsibility for their children.

Soccer moms are responsible for almost every act of censorship, and almost every frivolous safety "feature" or warning label seen on products today. Movies and games that contain strong language, graphic violence, strong language, or references to the occult are banned on behalf of soccer moms, because they cannot be bothered to pay attention to what their children are watching or playing. They are the reason that the rear windows of certain vehicles, the Ford Taurus for example, can only be rolled down approximately 12 inches (or .3 meters), and there is no option to allow you to disable this "safety feature." They are the reason that bags of peanuts say "Warning: May contain nuts." That's intelligent.

Soccer moms are also a major contributing factor to the gas price hike that America has experienced in recent years. They attempt to stand out and look "rugged" by driving SUVs. They do not realize that an SUV is not an economy car. It is large, it is ponderous, and it takes a good deal of distance to come to a stop. It is designed to be abused like no other vehicle, by towing trailers, hauling heavy cargo, and driving off road. Instead, they have been converted to child haulers and grocery getters. They consume twice as much gas as a station wagon, which would perform the same tasks admirably. Soccer moms dismiss the fuel consumption with the excuse "If I can afford the gas, why should you care?" This demonstrates their absolute lack of economic knowledge, as it shows that they are completely ignorant of one of the most basic economic concepts: supply and demand. They use more gasoline, but the same amount is refined. The result is higher gas prices for all.

So, to summarize, they cause high gas prices, needless censorship, inconvenient "safety features," numerous traffic accidents, and an entire generation of their spawn ("rebellious" youth who are angst ridden and void of any and all responsibility and morality).

I hope this shows, conclusively, that soccer moms are the scourge of this land, and the movement must be eliminated at all costs.
Get on the highway and look around. 1 out of every 3 people you see is one of these wretched "Soccer Moms"
by Lee Carter October 29, 2005
a white suburban woman..... upper to middle class, who drives either a mini van or an SUV to shuttle her "precious cargo" to play dates, soccer practice, little league, PTA meetings. All the while, endangering the lives of other drivers and pedestrians on the road with her lead foot and cutting people off in traffic. A woman who also has an affinity for Starbucks, forcing her children to listen to Yanni, imposing time outs on her little "angels" instead of the more deserved smack on the ass that these little shits deserve, and maintaining her trophy wife status to her executive husband..... Mostly....... A woman who has no idea how to actually raise a child by her own wits, just subscribing to the BS that it takes a village.......
see above
by Stephanie November 21, 2003
Generally speaking, a soccer mom is an upper middle class white woman from the suburbs. But soccer moms can be divided into two categories:
-Mrs. Foo Foo-
She was born into an upper middle class family. Her daddy payed her way through college, where she met "hubby" (who, of course, was majoring in business). She was married straight out of college, and has never had to work a day in her life because "hubby" is now some sort of douchebag in middle management. Despite "hubby" only making $80,000/year, she still likes to convince herself that he makes well into the six figures. She attempts to show this off by her large ass SUV and her daily trips to the local mall. She is in her late 20s, and 30/40s, and still tries to shop in the juniors sections, and constantly talks about her sorority back in college. She is a member of the PTA and the "Christian stay at home moms basket weaving club" at her church, although back in college she'd suck a dick at the drop of a hat. She lives vicariously through her daughters, which is why you will find her in her fold up chair definitely wearing capris, at the YMCA youth league soccer team cheering on her future little prom queen, who by the way is the best cheerleader on her $8,000 a year cheerleading team. If she has sons, he is of course "Mr. Athlete." This is not by choice of the child. ALL of her children are blond, even if she and her husband are both brunettes. Her children do not know the father, since he constantly away on his business trips screwing his secretary. This, of course causes his daughters to grow up with a "daddy complex," where they sleep with anything with a pulse and a penis to get that male attention, therefore, continueing the Mrs. Foo Foo tradion, and his sons grow up to have a drugs problem. Mrs. Foo Foo and her husband are hardcore conservative Republican.
Soccer mom number 2 is:
Mrs. Frumpy-
Mrs. Frumpy was born into a middle class blue collar family. She has always wanted nothing more than to be a mom. Her husband works a blue collar job barely making $40,000 a year working 12 hours a day, because she refuses to get a job because "Jesus intended for moms to stay at home with their little ones." Her hobbies include scrapbooking, clipping coupons, and being president of the PTA and the "Christian stay at home moms basket weaving club," and of course, her children. She is madly obsessed with her children. She only lets her 14 year old listen to Radio Disney or the Christian family songs station. Any video game not radio "E" is inappropriate. The more extremist "Mrs. Frumpies" are homeschoolers, for they feel anything that is not Christian is evil, so it shall never come in contact with her children. You can find Mrs. Frumpy on her picnic blanet at the YMCA youth soccer league games with her 4 kids, cheering on junior. Mrs. Frumpy's daughters will not play soccer, because Jesus did not intend for little girls to be rough and tough.
Mrs. Foo Foo is the skinny ugly blonde bitch in that big ass SUV with the "W" sticker on the back, hauling her kids to as many activities as possible, soccer mom

Mrs. Frumpy is that fat ugly, mini van driving, Christian zealot hauling her daughters to ballets, and sons to soccer, soccer moms.
by a women with self respect February 19, 2006
A middle-aged, overprotective woman, usually the mother of two children with names like Britney, Brandon, Caitlyn, Austin, etc. She is usually blonde (often bleached) and has average to above average looks (the latter usually being also a "trophy wife").
She lives in the suburbs, doesn't work (may become an obnoxious realtor after the kids go off to college), and spends an inordinate amount of time at her kids' schools, usually to the chagrin of the teachers and/or administrators.
She is the reason, and the ONLY reason, why Kids Bop has a market because she wouldn't dare let her precious children listen to the actual versions of Top 40 radio.
She drives a gas guzzeling SUV embossed with soccer decals on the rear window. If her husband is particularly successful (usually an overpaid attorney), she drives the higher end version of said SUV (such as the GMC Denali or a Lexus RX 330) so as to show all the more middle income SMs that she is just a bit better than they are.
The soccer mom popped Kids Bop 6 into her cd player to entertain her daughter, Britney, while driving her to gymnastics. After dropping Britney off, she sped to her nail appointment. Her husband, Jeff, later met her at the Country Club after he finished playing a round of golf with his buddies from the firm.
Meanwhile their son, Brandon, who had been busy applying to several colleges, was taking a break by fucking his girlfriend in his parent's hot tub.
by Tom Fool May 24, 2007
The most despicable species of woman known to humankind.

Soccer Mom is aged 30 to 50 years and can always be found in Havertown, PA. She lives in an overrated neighborhood which in all honesty looks like lower-middle-class suburban Philadelphia on a good day.

She drives either a minivan or an SUV, which she needs to cart around her 2.3 kids, who are as obnoxious as all get out. In addition to soccer, the little darlings also particiate in karate, ballet, basketball, hockey, etc. They are never disciplined because soccer mom fervently believes they are perfect in all ways.

She's married to Mr. Corporate America. He's usually burnt out because he's forced to work 60+ hours every week in order to pay the sky-high mortgage, two car payments, private school tuitions, fees for the kids' activities, and the bills for Soccer Mom's profligate spending. He therefore needs to blow off steam by either screwing random secretary sluts or by spending his lunch hours at the local titty bar. Soccer mom either doesn't know this or doesn't want to.

Soccer Mom has no life outside her children and their activities. During the day when the kids are in school, she can be found trolling the local shopping mall and maxing out hubby's credit card buying stuff she doesn't need at the Bombay Company. She also is forced into the mall during the day as a way of killing time until the Merry Maids are finished cleaning the house.

Soccer Mom's musical preferences are Celine Dion and Faith Hill. She can't blast a Celine Dion CD in someone's presence without launching into her nauseating story of how she and hubby danced their wedding dance to "My Heart Will Go On," and how perfectly the song epitomizes her feelings for him. Sigh.

Soccer Mom sees any woman who's reasonably attractive and within 10 lbs. of her ideal body weight as a threat and a slut with the potential to seduce hubby. As if any woman would want his flabby ass!

Soccer Mom also has a rabid tendency to keep up with the Joneses.

All things considered, someone to avoid.
"Look out for the runaway minivan driven by the soccer mom!"

"The parking lot was crammed with soccer moms dropping their kids off to practice."
by Machka January 29, 2007
Beasts from hell. They will try to censor anything. Responsible for Columbine and Sadamm ever being the dictator of Iraq. Drive large things known as minivans, which are usually larger than normal vans. Take their kids to soccer games and cheer them on all the time, even when their kid sucks more balls than a 3 cent chinese whore. Their minivans are sized between that of an M2A3 Bradley and M1A2 Abrams Main Battle Tank.
Sergeant Ha was in his M2A3 when he saw a soccer mom who was late for getting to see her kid's soccer game rushing towards his tank. He quickly fired off a missile, destroying the monstrosity and her personnel carrier. What's that? What about her family? No problems, just fire a missile or 654 at their house.
by that guy that kicks ass February 17, 2005
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