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A bitchy overprotective 40-something asswipe with 2.5 kids and a big ass fucking van.
Soccer moms need to get fucked in the ass
by SOKKERMOMSUKK December 15, 2005

1. Caucasian.
2. Has no job, gets her money from successful husband.
3. Has either a minivan or an SUV.
4. Usually Christian
5. Child(ren) think they're "all that" then turn "rebel."

1. A (ridiculously) over-sized bag
2. One-inch heels ALL the TIME.
3. Expensive sunglasses.
4. Off-red nail polish on their toenails and fingernails.
5. Optional: Botox
6. Bad makeup.

The soccermom's child(ren) are often brought up with no free time, doing sports, dance, karate, art, theater, music, you name it. Some children do up to three or four activities a night, then do homework until about 11 at night. In school, a soccermom's child(ren) may either be a) popular, extremely bitchy, and hang out with the other popular children or b) extremely bitchy, hang out with children they know from dance, or any other of their millions after-school activities. A soccermom's child(ren) eats little for lunch, though their lunches are always 100 percent organic. During puberty, the once perfect "little angels" begin to "rebel" by...

1. Listening to a song with the word "hell" in it.

2. Wearing the same pair of Gap jeans twice.

3. Staying up past their bedtimes.

4. Have a boyfriend/girlfriend (usually this only applies to a girl, as a soccermom's daughter usually feels the need to hide her "illicit" activities from her parents)

5. Kiss this boyfriend/girlfriend... on the cheek.

6. Hug this boyfriend/girlfriend

7. Wear a little bit of makeup (like clear lip gloss.)
Also, a soccermom's children either a) grow up to be just like their parents or b) grow up to be nothing like their parents, join Peace Corps, and go live in Afghanistan.

-All video games rated T and over = pornographic, inappropriate, will kill the minds of their already vegetative children.
-All music with "cuss words" (eg, crap, hell) should be banned in America for the sake of little children (all people under age 18. Sometimes 21.)
-No alcohol whatsoever for people in college (even if they're over 21.)
-No Co-Ed housing in college. ("We can all be Soroity sisters! How does that sound, Mary Ann?")
-Heavy Metal, Grunge, Rock, Metal, Death Metal, Alternative= bad. Pop, Country= good, as long as the country is by Carrie Underwood, and even then, certain parts MUST be bleeped out.

-All little girls should be little girls. (eg, "No, Mary Ann, you can't be a dirty old mechanic when you grow up.")
-All little boys should be little boys. (eg, "No, Gary Stu, you can't be a fashion designer like Armani when you grow up.)
-Complete control over everything.
-Ban multiplayer games (eg, Runescape, Club Penguin) in their city/town because "I don't want MY little angels to be kidnapped" while their "little angels" often have secret accounts on multiplayer games.
"I'm sorry, Mary Ann can't play today. She's got jazz dance, then hip-hop dance, then we eat dinner as a family, then she's got ballet."

((As a substitute teacher in the 12th grade.))
Soccermom/Substitute Teacher: "Here, kids, while you do your work, let's listen to some Kidz Bop!"
Teenager 1: "Why not some Linkin Park?"
Teenager 2: "I know, let's listen to Aerosmith."
Teenager 3: "What about Elvis?"
Teenager 4: "I'd prefer Atreyu or Disturbed myself."
Soccermom: "NO! Those bands are useless excuses for music! They will pollute your mind! They are Satanic, for Pete's sake!"
by Lil Miss Magic June 29, 2009
a white mother who drives a mini van and has usually over 2 children who participate in every sport/activity possible. her children are faggots and arent allwoed 2 listen to rap/r&b music because of the dirty words.
definetly not a milf.

also see sluts wiggers posers
my fukin soccer mom picked me up from a club last night in her fukin mini van.
by ...................... March 26, 2005
All of them are fucking bitchez.
soccer moms can suck it.
by Fuckoff January 18, 2005
A woman who usually wears jeans and tennis shoes, drives a mini-van with a little Jesus fish on the back, and is partly responsible for keeping violent shows off TV and C.D.s with cursings out of the music store. They frequently protest anything that they think will "harm" children and act like pinko commie bastards.
I hate soccer moms!
by weirdgirl June 14, 2003
A suburban stay at home cumdumpster who thinks that her opinions count for anything. Usually seen driving an overpriced SUV, talking on her cell phone, and yelling at her kids for stepping on the Macy's bags-all at the same time. Have a tendency to smugly advertise, with bumper stickers, basically everything. Are known for lobbying for tougher alcohol regulations, gun laws, and censorship. Just another good reason to make the laws about homicide more lenient.
"Holy shit! Some soccer mom in her Escalade nearly ran me off the road because she was talking on her cell phone instead of paying attention to the road.
by herrsquidward October 05, 2007
A mother who is obsessed with her son's life, penis, activities, friends, school and teachers, and makes her son play soccer. If the soccermom doesn't have a son, she will instead obsess about her multiple identical daughters.
Most soccermoms now drive SUVs but until 2001, most drove Volvos. (See also: bimbo-box).
You can easily spot a soccermom on the roadways as they have a bumper sticker that reads "MONTGOMERY SOCCER" or one that reads "My Child Is An Honor Student At xxxx Middle School."
They usually live in Montgomery County - Potomac, Rockville, and sometimes
in Takoma Park. Some live in Fairfax County, Northern Virginia.
Most are MILFs or yummy mummys and are married to rich guys. Those that are fugly are married to rich guys who have unusual tastes.
"So where does Cindy Soccermom of Apple Pie, USA, fit in?" (Chicago Flame Online)
by bokonononon September 06, 2005