White, middle-class, middle-aged female. Hair pulled through the back of the baseball cap, into a ponytail. Usually seen "driving" a very large SUV. Also seen at stop signs staring aimlessly with their mouth open waiting for an open spot in traffic. Usually doesn't find one, so they pull out in traffic hoping to make their own spot. Thus causing an accident, which is paid for by their husbands income. Seen as an active parent at school. However, they never talk to their children because they have a cell phone blocking their ear, that they constantly scream into. Participating in booster clubs, PTA, church organizations. Ironically, you can find them cursing at the cashier because he couldn't return their curtains that they bought over a year ago, but never found time in their oh-so-busy lives to put up. All of this is usually done in front of their 'christian' children, who are going to grow even more mindless than their role model of a mother. Occasionally they go in flocks to the nearest mall, and trash every department they step into, throwing shoes on the ground, leaving once-hung items lying on the floor. Sometimes you see them running for the nearest open register, and fighting with the women that casualy strolls in front of her, explaining that she was there first, and doesn't have time to waste. She has to drive her one or two children away in an SUV that comfortably seats 8, so they don't miss their sports practice, or dance recital. Inflating gas prices mean nothing to these women and their gas hungry SUVs, because they haven't paid for anything with their own money since they married the father, who gets drunk twice a day, and comes home late into the evening. Lastly, these soccer mom's only answer to "homemaker"
A soccer mom is the lady you've seen on the side of the road yelling into her cell phone, standing next to an SUV with a flat tire. Don't offer help, she'll never appreciate it.
by Chriswizzle May 10, 2006
Contrary to Definition 44, a Soccer Mom is not a selfless, sainted holy person providing for her angelic children. She is usually white, 30-45 years of age, and is forever boring everyone around her with stories about her kids soccer skills. The cell phone, starbucks coffee and large minivan/suv are invariably part of her identity. Also she is consumerist, wasteful, oblivious to her effect on others, lives in a bland suburb and is usually a right wing Christian fanatic. Has no career aspirations. Bitch. A waste of ammunition
The brainless soccer mom drove 80 in the 30 zone while taling on her phone and driving her kids to soccer.
by Andrew5646465 October 26, 2005
Usually rich or upper middle class white women. Married to husbands that have no role in raising their children and leave that to them. They tend to drive mini vans or large SUVS. They have no other role then to drive kids to private school, soccer practice, violen lessons, drama class, yoga for kids, summer camp and the mall. They can be easily spoted with the "my kid is honor student" bumper sticker and four kids jumping around. Mother is always on the cell phone and in the process cuts people off.

They are loud and annoying at games because they think they know more than the coach.
Soccer Mom - Why isn't my little Kevin playing?

Coach - Because your kid sucks at soccer

Soccer Mom - Kevin is going to be the next David Beckham, you just watch.

Coach - Whatever bitch, step off of the field.
by glum68 August 12, 2008
A horrible phenomenom which begun taking over middle class America in the mid-90's.
Still fixing lunches for 16 year old Bratty Tammy and her soccer-playing suburban brother Aiden? Then you're a soccer mom.Die.
by David M. Kennedy July 25, 2006
That bitch in her minivan or suv with the jesus fish on the back who can't drive for shit and you want to kill.
soccer moms like balls
by fuck off nigger May 14, 2003
A white upper middle or upper-class bitch in her mid 30's to late 40's. She can usually be seen loading her "precious little angles" into her massive, fuel burning SUV, to take them to soccer, or some other sport. She lives in a very large house in the suburbs with her 3 kids and her husband. Her husband is never home, he usually has some sort of corporate job, and he's having sex with the secretary. A Soccer Mom often causes road accidents because she drives at a "safe" 45 mph on highways where the speed limit is 70 mph. The accident is then paid for by her husband. The Soccer Mom always tells her kids shit like they are better than everyone else in their school, that they deserve more than everyone else, and that they are the most "talented" people in the world. This usually results in her kids being extremely full of themselves, because not only does the Soccer Mom encourage her kids to be snotty bitches who think they're better than everyone else, but they also participate in highly competitive sports. This makes her kids bratty, super competitive, obnoxious bitches. The Soccer Mom usually censors everything she doesn't feel is "appropriate" for her "perfect kids."

This includes:

- Movies that are rated above PG
- The Internet

- Video Games rated above E-10+
- Anything that makes a slight mention of drugs, alcohol, and sex.

- "Bad Words"
- "Explicit" Music

- Basically anything that isn't bubblegum flavored kiddie shit.
A Soccer Mom is usually Christian, thinks anything that isn't Christian is Satanic, and won't let her kids near it. She uses the V-Chip and puts parental controls on her kids video game systems.

Because of how sheltered her kids are, when they become adults, they are so naive about the real world, that they:
- Become Drug addicts, alcoholics, or both.
- Are so naive about the real world that it scares them.
- Since their parents did everything for them as kids they figure they'll do the same as adults and become dependent on Mom and Dad.
A Soccer Mom usually dressed like a typical yuppie carries a coffee from Starbucks. Let's not forget that bumper sticker that reads "My child is an honor student at _______ Elementary school." She doesn't let her kids hang around the kids that she considers "the wrong crowd." She's selective with who her kids can be friends with and who they can't. She mostly would like her kids to hang around what she thinks are "good christian children" and not the "African American and Latin American minorities" or "The Hippie kids" She is most likely a racist and bigoted towards poor people. The Soccer Mom is basically a snobby bitch who thinks the world revolves around her and her bratty kids.
Person who just got in a car accident with a Soccer Mom: You fucking bitch! Why the fuck were you going on fucking 45 mph on a fucking highway for you stupid bitchy cunt!
Soccer Mom: Oh my gosh! Don't you ever use that language in front of my little angles! I'll have you know that my kids are the best on the soccer team, and they are honor students.
Person who just got in a car accident with a Soccer Mom: You think I give a shit?
Soccer Mom: Don't say that in front of my precious kids! Who do you think you are?
by X_x X_x June 17, 2009

1. Caucasian.
2. Has no job, gets her money from successful husband.
3. Has either a minivan or an SUV.
4. Usually Christian
5. Child(ren) think they're "all that" then turn "rebel."

1. A (ridiculously) over-sized bag
2. One-inch heels ALL the TIME.
3. Expensive sunglasses.
4. Off-red nail polish on their toenails and fingernails.
5. Optional: Botox
6. Bad makeup.

The soccermom's child(ren) are often brought up with no free time, doing sports, dance, karate, art, theater, music, you name it. Some children do up to three or four activities a night, then do homework until about 11 at night. In school, a soccermom's child(ren) may either be a) popular, extremely bitchy, and hang out with the other popular children or b) extremely bitchy, hang out with children they know from dance, or any other of their millions after-school activities. A soccermom's child(ren) eats little for lunch, though their lunches are always 100 percent organic. During puberty, the once perfect "little angels" begin to "rebel" by...

1. Listening to a song with the word "hell" in it.

2. Wearing the same pair of Gap jeans twice.

3. Staying up past their bedtimes.

4. Have a boyfriend/girlfriend (usually this only applies to a girl, as a soccermom's daughter usually feels the need to hide her "illicit" activities from her parents)

5. Kiss this boyfriend/girlfriend... on the cheek.

6. Hug this boyfriend/girlfriend

7. Wear a little bit of makeup (like clear lip gloss.)
Also, a soccermom's children either a) grow up to be just like their parents or b) grow up to be nothing like their parents, join Peace Corps, and go live in Afghanistan.

-All video games rated T and over = pornographic, inappropriate, will kill the minds of their already vegetative children.
-All music with "cuss words" (eg, crap, hell) should be banned in America for the sake of little children (all people under age 18. Sometimes 21.)
-No alcohol whatsoever for people in college (even if they're over 21.)
-No Co-Ed housing in college. ("We can all be Soroity sisters! How does that sound, Mary Ann?")
-Heavy Metal, Grunge, Rock, Metal, Death Metal, Alternative= bad. Pop, Country= good, as long as the country is by Carrie Underwood, and even then, certain parts MUST be bleeped out.

-All little girls should be little girls. (eg, "No, Mary Ann, you can't be a dirty old mechanic when you grow up.")
-All little boys should be little boys. (eg, "No, Gary Stu, you can't be a fashion designer like Armani when you grow up.)
-Complete control over everything.
-Ban multiplayer games (eg, Runescape, Club Penguin) in their city/town because "I don't want MY little angels to be kidnapped" while their "little angels" often have secret accounts on multiplayer games.
"I'm sorry, Mary Ann can't play today. She's got jazz dance, then hip-hop dance, then we eat dinner as a family, then she's got ballet."

((As a substitute teacher in the 12th grade.))
Soccermom/Substitute Teacher: "Here, kids, while you do your work, let's listen to some Kidz Bop!"
Teenager 1: "Why not some Linkin Park?"
Teenager 2: "I know, let's listen to Aerosmith."
Teenager 3: "What about Elvis?"
Teenager 4: "I'd prefer Atreyu or Disturbed myself."
Soccermom: "NO! Those bands are useless excuses for music! They will pollute your mind! They are Satanic, for Pete's sake!"
by Lil Miss Magic June 29, 2009
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