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Soccermom
n.

Characteristics:
1. Caucasian.
2. Has no job, gets her money from successful husband.
3. Has either a minivan or an SUV.
4. Usually Christian
5. Child(ren) think they're "all that" then turn "rebel."

Appearance:
1. A (ridiculously) over-sized bag
2. One-inch heels ALL the TIME.
3. Expensive sunglasses.
4. Off-red nail polish on their toenails and fingernails.
5. Optional: Botox
6. Bad makeup.

Children?
The soccermom's child(ren) are often brought up with no free time, doing sports, dance, karate, art, theater, music, you name it. Some children do up to three or four activities a night, then do homework until about 11 at night. In school, a soccermom's child(ren) may either be a) popular, extremely bitchy, and hang out with the other popular children or b) extremely bitchy, hang out with children they know from dance, or any other of their millions after-school activities. A soccermom's child(ren) eats little for lunch, though their lunches are always 100 percent organic. During puberty, the once perfect "little angels" begin to "rebel" by...

1. Listening to a song with the word "hell" in it.

2. Wearing the same pair of Gap jeans twice.

3. Staying up past their bedtimes.

4. Have a boyfriend/girlfriend (usually this only applies to a girl, as a soccermom's daughter usually feels the need to hide her "illicit" activities from her parents)

5. Kiss this boyfriend/girlfriend... on the cheek.

6. Hug this boyfriend/girlfriend

7. Wear a little bit of makeup (like clear lip gloss.)
Also, a soccermom's children either a) grow up to be just like their parents or b) grow up to be nothing like their parents, join Peace Corps, and go live in Afghanistan.

Views:
-All video games rated T and over = pornographic, inappropriate, will kill the minds of their already vegetative children.
-All music with "cuss words" (eg, crap, hell) should be banned in America for the sake of little children (all people under age 18. Sometimes 21.)
-No alcohol whatsoever for people in college (even if they're over 21.)
-No Co-Ed housing in college. ("We can all be Soroity sisters! How does that sound, Mary Ann?")
-Heavy Metal, Grunge, Rock, Metal, Death Metal, Alternative= bad. Pop, Country= good, as long as the country is by Carrie Underwood, and even then, certain parts MUST be bleeped out.

-All little girls should be little girls. (eg, "No, Mary Ann, you can't be a dirty old mechanic when you grow up.")
-All little boys should be little boys. (eg, "No, Gary Stu, you can't be a fashion designer like Armani when you grow up.)
-Complete control over everything.
-Ban multiplayer games (eg, Runescape, Club Penguin) in their city/town because "I don't want MY little angels to be kidnapped" while their "little angels" often have secret accounts on multiplayer games.
"I'm sorry, Mary Ann can't play today. She's got jazz dance, then hip-hop dance, then we eat dinner as a family, then she's got ballet."

((As a substitute teacher in the 12th grade.))
Soccermom/Substitute Teacher: "Here, kids, while you do your work, let's listen to some Kidz Bop!"
Teenager 1: "Why not some Linkin Park?"
Teenager 2: "I know, let's listen to Aerosmith."
Teenager 3: "What about Elvis?"
Teenager 4: "I'd prefer Atreyu or Disturbed myself."
Soccermom: "NO! Those bands are useless excuses for music! They will pollute your mind! They are Satanic, for Pete's sake!"
by Lil Miss Magic June 29, 2009
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65
A suburban mom in her 30s or 40s who drives a giant ass SUV, drives her 2 or 3 kids to soccer practice and tapes episodes of Oprah. They enjoy singing to crappy songs in the car with their kids and eat that sh!t they have at McDonalds because their too damn lazy to cook dinner.
Dude 1: Is that your mom's SUV
Dude 2: Yeah!
Dude 1: Your mom's a soccer mom!
Dude 2: No sh!t player
by Brendj3 July 02, 2006
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66
Derogatory and insulting term for a female yuppie.

She drives a minivan or an SUV. While she drives, she watches movies on the DVD player. She holds a Starbucks Coffee and babbles on the cell phone while driving.

She has an attitude of entitlement, and is even more pushy than a New Yawwk Jew. She names her daughter Cassidy, Madison, Taylor, Bergman, or Sasquatch. She always votes for Hillary Clinton because she is wealthy enough to shield her income from taxes. If her name is Karen or Judy, she changes it to Taylor or some other masculine name.
Jackson is a soccer mom. Stay out of her way when she drives, and hang on to your wallet when she votes.
by Delicious Tuna Wanda September 25, 2007
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67
Whiney, annoying, bitchy women who whinge about their kids playing violent games (San Andreas is a favorite), watching violent or pornographic movies, browsing the internet and talking in slang. Bitchy bitch bitchness.
A soccer mom would post a comment on a DBZ forum that reads: My three year old would watch it if I let him. I made the mistake of having the cartoon channel on around then, NOT for dragonball Z but batman beyond which follows. The Z came on and I was appalled....not just because its violent, because Batman beyond is somewhat violent...but in Z that's all there is...fighting, that's it. No real credible plot beyond that that makes any sense. In addition, it made my three year jump up and start punching after one viewing. With batman beyond, he jumps up and pretends he's flying, or talks about the plot (why was that guy put in that school prison? How can Inque turn into liquid?)
There is no discussion of plot with z, except to ask "what is going on?".

As far as what the z stands for, since kanji doesn't have a directly analagous alphabet, I imagine that was dreamed up by the english translators.
by Bumsley August 02, 2006
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68
An American mother living in the suburbs who spends most of her time driving her school-aged children from one athletic activity to another, often over scheduling them. Typically White, upper middle class, probably college-educated, most drive SUVs and talk on the cellphone while driving making them prone to cause traffic accidents.
Gigi is your classic Soccermom, she drives her SUV like a battle ship and I wouldn't want to be on the road next to her!
by OneBadAsp October 21, 2006
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69
A white woman in her 30s or 40s. She drives a a. S.U.V. b. Volvo or c. MiniVan. she drives at least 10 miles under the speed limit, and honks too much. she basically has no life other than monotiring every movement of her kids' lives. she has a My Child is an honor student at _________ Elementary School. she is ugly.
Look at Mary-Ellen. The way she cares for her kids. What a fuckin skank. stupid soccer mom.
by That freakin loser January 15, 2006
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70
the worst people next to to the guys at peta.they are always enforcing censorship,taking their kids to sporting event that the don't wan't compete in,and going to pta meetings
Me:hey dude,have you heard blood sugar sex magik?

Soccer Mom:how could your parents let you listen to that smut!
me:well,because my parents don't care if a song has cuss words in it.they know its not their decsion whast i listen to.
later i come in contact with the same soccer mom while playing my on hot minute cd
Soccer Mom:turn that stuff off!there are children present!

I grab my machette and slice her head off and continue my day
by futuramafan May 26, 2008
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