57
White, middle-class, middle-aged female. Hair pulled through the back of the baseball cap, into a ponytail. Usually seen "driving" a very large SUV. Also seen at stop signs staring aimlessly with their mouth open waiting for an open spot in traffic. Usually doesn't find one, so they pull out in traffic hoping to make their own spot. Thus causing an accident, which is paid for by their husbands income. Seen as an active parent at school. However, they never talk to their children because they have a cell phone blocking their ear, that they constantly scream into. Participating in booster clubs, PTA, church organizations. Ironically, you can find them cursing at the cashier because he couldn't return their curtains that they bought over a year ago, but never found time in their oh-so-busy lives to put up. All of this is usually done in front of their 'christian' children, who are going to grow even more mindless than their role model of a mother. Occasionally they go in flocks to the nearest mall, and trash every department they step into, throwing shoes on the ground, leaving once-hung items lying on the floor. Sometimes you see them running for the nearest open register, and fighting with the women that casualy strolls in front of her, explaining that she was there first, and doesn't have time to waste. She has to drive her one or two children away in an SUV that comfortably seats 8, so they don't miss their sports practice, or dance recital. Inflating gas prices mean nothing to these women and their gas hungry SUVs, because they haven't paid for anything with their own money since they married the father, who gets drunk twice a day, and comes home late into the evening. Lastly, these soccer mom's only answer to "homemaker"
A soccer mom is the lady you've seen on the side of the road yelling into her cell phone, standing next to an SUV with a flat tire. Don't offer help, she'll never appreciate it.
by Chriswizzle May 10, 2006
Mug icon

The Urban Dictionary Mug

One side has the word, one side has the definition. Microwave and dishwasher safe. Lotsa space for your liquids.

Buy the mug
58
An arrogant rude peice of shit. She drives around a gargantuan, gas guzzling, jap crap suv. She has no life, and gets angry because hubby is at work all day. Speaking of hubby, he's probably masturbating at Hooters while his stupid bimbo wife maxes out the credit card. It's a miracle anyone would even want to fuck a soccer mom, because they are fat and ugly.
My mom is not a soccer mom. She let's me play GTA: Vice City Stories on my psp while she drives a pickup truck at the speed limit. Then I take a break from my game to flip off the soccer mom passing us at 70 mph. She gets in an accident trying to cover her kids eyes.
Mug icon

The Urban Dictionary Mug

One side has the word, one side has the definition. Microwave and dishwasher safe. Lotsa space for your liquids.

Buy the mug
59
an out of touch woman who drives her kids to soccer games and plays and usually bitches about everything under the sun. she can be seen bitching at managements of compenies and usually "thinks" a kid is better than everyone and anything else including a dog

she also has this "idea" that she is still in her teens/early 20s when in reality she is far from that and tries to be "cool" by subscripting to magazines meant for teens which makes her pathetic
"oh man that's one pathetic soccer mom she should stop bitching and get a life"
by thedude July 11, 2004
Mug icon

The Urban Dictionary Mug

One side has the word, one side has the definition. Microwave and dishwasher safe. Lotsa space for your liquids.

Buy the mug
60
The stupid ass moms in america who preach about global warming because of huge vehicles being driven then they leave in their H2 Hummer to go get their spoiled bratty ass 'angels' from school to bring them to their after school shit and get groceries then go to their PTA meetings to chat about how they can 'make the world safer' for their overprotected children. They are obsessed with safety, censorship, and their children will never be able to survive in the real world alone because they won't know what to expect in life. These moms love to make other people miserable by telling them what to do when children are present and they act like children will forever be children and never become adults. They parent so that their kids will grow up to be christian 40 year old virgins listening to Bach and Kidz Bop and watching Barney and Telletubbies. They are the reason everything has censorship, saftey things that can't be turned off because a child MIGHT JUST MIGHT sit in the back of my screaming metal deathtrap.
Everything rated pg-13 and over, cars with t-tops, convertibles, loud engines, go fast are sinful. Music not sung by children or is not about fairy tales is the Devil. They made the government change the law so that kids have to sit in a car seat strapped down like they are in a roller coaster until they are so tall when when i was little, we could stand up in the front seat. Fucking Soccer moms took the fun, risks, and thrills out of childhood and they made our children into pussy wimps.
I drive a red rice-burning t-top firebird, listen to heavy metal, am learning German, drive fast and good, hate fast food, watch porn and violent movies, do not shelter children, and i am street smart: I am the definition of a soccer moms nightmarish encounter.
by Deutsch Thespian January 16, 2008
Mug icon

The Urban Dictionary Mug

One side has the word, one side has the definition. Microwave and dishwasher safe. Lotsa space for your liquids.

Buy the mug
61
A soccer mom is an overly-protective mother whose role is to live the life of a child herself. She is usually shallow, ill-informed, self-indulgent, insecure. She assumes that “family value” kids like hers can do no wrong. She has never elevated herself from the high school focus of being popular, being “seen”, being “cute.” Her role in life is to “fit in,” her “thinking” is “cliché driven,” she is “family value” focused, but has no real understanding about what the term means and would be at a loss to try to define it. She feels sorry for those who do not have soccer mom credentials, who have no suv, no children, no “fashionably family valued” family like hers. Her kids are an extension of herself, so she herself is a kid, and she molds them, transports them, educates them to think in the same shallow kid-like way she thinks. She is a “control freek” at heart with a mindset that is shallow and mindlessly routine. She doesn’t have the courage, the depth to express herself outside the “group think” of her soccer mom associates, for as in her high school days, she still seeks esteem from others by being popular, one of the gang. Wars, pestilence, poverty, the environment are issues that pass her by and always will. She is a robot, a child who has grown older but not wiser, an american dream tragedy culture has promoted, not having the depth to see or understand the sickness it has fostered.
Soccer mom insecure robot
by zetttt November 15, 2009
Mug icon

The Urban Dictionary Mug

One side has the word, one side has the definition. Microwave and dishwasher safe. Lotsa space for your liquids.

Buy the mug
62
The maternal unit of preps. Most soccer moms are very proud of the fact that their kids (preps) are slaves to pop culture. They are usually content with the fact that their world is nothing but simulacra, and they have no desire to see the truth (that they're morons). They drive ungodly expensive vehicles (think: Hummer), and belong to some form of clique with other soccer moms.
Look at me! I'm a soccer mom! See my new Hummer H2? I was too stupid to negotiate on the price, so I paid $59,000 for it!
by manly man February 05, 2004
Mug icon

The Urban Dictionary Mug

One side has the word, one side has the definition. Microwave and dishwasher safe. Lotsa space for your liquids.

Buy the mug
63
going to go out on a limb here and claim expert status on identifying and defining soccer moms. my qualifications: grew up in california suburbs. in soccer family (mom and dad both coaches). have one child myself. am 37 years old. true, i don't drink coffee. and i live in san francisco, where, in tiny pockets, soccer moms do rear their ugly (over-highlighted) heads, but are promptly ridiculed until they crawl back into their climate-controlled SUVs and circle the city, endlessly looking for parking that can accommodate their concorde-size vehicles.

soccer moms are frightened people. threatened people. they sometimes seem smug and heedless, but everything they do is governed by feelings of inadequacy. ever read the malcolm gladwell story in the new yorker that reported that the single biggest psychographics assocated with SUV drivers were (1) being a bad driver; and (2) lack of confidence about the state of your marriage? hello, soccer mom. lacking individual ambition, they channel all their fervor into their kids' lives and accomplishments, resulting, later, in many years of therapy for said offspring, who end up deranged and oppressed by the SM's maniacal child obsession. soccer moms are unhappy people, and often conflicted about the traditional (read: regressive) gender roles they have decided to embrace. they are in too much denial to admit that they, like the rest of us, just didn't want to work outside the home anymore, so they tried to turn childrearing into a career. (not saying it isn't legitimate work, but it would be nice to get an honest explanation of the original motivation.) they are threatened by women with careers, younger women and women who struggle to balance their jobs and their kids' needs and don't want to subjugate their own needs every day of their lives (and thus become bitter, like the SMs). if you resist the trappings of soccer momdom yourself, they are threatened by you. ("how can your family get by with one car? what? it's a 9 year old mazda sedan? does it even have cup holders? or tethers? or tethered cup holders?")

not even getting into the right-wing, censorship-promoting, christian reactionary part of it all, SMs are downright dangerous for the culture. they oppose critical thought on principle. man, isn't that bad enough?
The soccer mom slammed the door of her Suburban, grabbed her no-fat mint frappacino and the twins, stuffed her Coach purse and offspring in the Bugaboo and charged into Target.
by grableca March 11, 2006
Mug icon

The Urban Dictionary Mug

One side has the word, one side has the definition. Microwave and dishwasher safe. Lotsa space for your liquids.

Buy the mug