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69.
A white upper middle or upper-class bitch in her mid 30's to late 40's. She can usually be seen loading her "precious little angles" into her massive, fuel burning SUV, to take them to soccer, or some other sport. She lives in a very large house in the suburbs with her 3 kids and her husband. Her husband is never home, he usually has some sort of corporate job, and he's having sex with the secretary. A Soccer Mom often causes road accidents because she drives at a "safe" 45 mph on highways where the speed limit is 70 mph. The accident is then paid for by her husband. The Soccer Mom always tells her kids shit like they are better than everyone else in their school, that they deserve more than everyone else, and that they are the most "talented" people in the world. This usually results in her kids being extremely full of themselves, because not only does the Soccer Mom encourage her kids to be snotty bitches who think they're better than everyone else, but they also participate in highly competitive sports. This makes her kids bratty, super competitive, obnoxious bitches. The Soccer Mom usually censors everything she doesn't feel is "appropriate" for her "perfect kids."

This includes:

- Movies that are rated above PG
- The Internet

- Video Games rated above E-10+
- Anything that makes a slight mention of drugs, alcohol, and sex.

- "Bad Words"
- "Explicit" Music

- Basically anything that isn't bubblegum flavored kiddie shit.
A Soccer Mom is usually Christian, thinks anything that isn't Christian is Satanic, and won't let her kids near it. She uses the V-Chip and puts parental controls on her kids video game systems.

Because of how sheltered her kids are, when they become adults, they are so naive about the real world, that they:
- Become Drug addicts, alcoholics, or both.
- Are so naive about the real world that it scares them.
or:
- Since their parents did everything for them as kids they figure they'll do the same as adults and become dependent on Mom and Dad.
A Soccer Mom usually dressed like a typical yuppie carries a coffee from Starbucks. Let's not forget that bumper sticker that reads "My child is an honor student at _______ Elementary school." She doesn't let her kids hang around the kids that she considers "the wrong crowd." She's selective with who her kids can be friends with and who they can't. She mostly would like her kids to hang around what she thinks are "good christian children" and not the "African American and Latin American minorities" or "The Hippie kids" She is most likely a racist and bigoted towards poor people. The Soccer Mom is basically a snobby bitch who thinks the world revolves around her and her bratty kids.
Person who just got in a car accident with a Soccer Mom: You fucking bitch! Why the fuck were you going on fucking 45 mph on a fucking highway for you stupid bitchy cunt!
Soccer Mom: Oh my gosh! Don't you ever use that language in front of my little angles! I'll have you know that my kids are the best on the soccer team, and they are honor students.
Person who just got in a car accident with a Soccer Mom: You think I give a shit?
Soccer Mom: Don't say that in front of my precious kids! Who do you think you are?
by X_x X_x June 17, 2009
 
1.
A usually white, middle-classed woman. She drives an SUV. Her kids are her "little angels" and are more important than anything or anyone else in the world and deserve to play game demos or do anything else more than everyone. She doesn't let her "little angels" watch TV with "naughty words" such as crap, pussywillow, and pants. Her kids aren't allowed to go on the internet because it's all about sex, raping little children, buying useless crap, and getting scammed. She strictly enforces the ESRB ratings systems; by that I mean makes up her own: EC = 10 and under, E = 11 and up, T and above = "Not in my house" (Movies: PG and under = Only movies you can see). Anything that doesn't say they're Christian is automatically Satanic; this includes 99.998% of music. Her children participate in as many after-school activities as possible and are usually at day camp during the summer.

Soccer moms are usually seen screaming at people, getting into car accidents, and breaking copies of Grand Theft Auto: Vice City and refusing to pay for them.
I hate soccer moms
by Andrew! August 24, 2003
 
2.
1. The downfall of human society
2. The only people who have no real purpose in life other than to pick up there children from school, take them to an after school program, (Karate,Soccer,Baseball, Football)and to be the trophy wife of a husband that hardly spends time with his kids. Often seen trying to blend in, but stands out like a sore thumb. Usually seen driving a huge ass SUV and is proud that their child is a slave to pop culture and won't think for themselves. They are allowed to bring their bratty ass kids anywhere, but if you are in line with a box of condoms (trying not to make the same mistake they made) they have the balls to make faces and make stupid ass remarks. They also think that their "little angels" wouldn't make any of the same mistakes they made. Even though they act like there the boss, they don't run sh!t.
Man in Line: *Buying condoms*
Soccer Mom: *Laughing* What do you need those for, you're pretty young.
Man in Line:Ease up out of my face, bitch
Soccer Mom: Don't talk use that language in front of my kids!*Covering kids ears*

The soccer mom goes home to find her oldest daughter having an orgy with three guys, two girls, and a goat.
by Guile August 31, 2004
 
3.
A middle-aged upper middle class woman (ussually white)and lives in the suburbs who devotes her life to her childeren. She carpools, drives them to soccer and little leauge, volenteers at their school, does snack days, and play dates. Most of them end up driving their childeren away by not letting them express their selves and immediatley putting down anything that they find important. They are usually Christian and this can be shown around their house, in most of the cases I have found the childeren end up being atheist. They drive in their mini vans and suburbans with their fancy coffee's and cell phones.
That mom that is driving like a maniac to pick up her kid from school and cart them to soccer practice is a soccer mom.
by Kaitlin August 30, 2003
 
4.
Some sort of detriment to life. A waste of body cells. Middle-class or lower-upperclass, SUV driving, bitch. Cuts people off on the roads, cause accidents only able to be paid for by her husband's income. High up on the school PTA, try to censor anything and everything. Fucked over all of American society.

They are also great targets for a variety of weapons.
Jay was drving his brand new Corvette Z06 when a fugly soccer mom crashed into it with her fucking large minivan. Needless to say, Jay upheld the rebellious spirit by blowing her head of with an M82 .50 cal. He then ate her children and blew up her house.
by FUK SOCCER MOMS July 16, 2004
 
5.
30-50 year old white female, middle to upper class who drives an SUV/Minivan, thinks the world revolves around her 'perfect-angel' children. She lives the good life only because her husband is the success. She harbors feelings of inadequacy, and secretly (although she won't admit it) wants to be fucked by black men.
look at the next door wife
by jeff devlin July 14, 2004
 
6.
Suburban mother with 2.3 kids with hollow disciplines and automaton husbands with slowly diminishing spirits. Typically Caucasian. Their cabals are usually averted to music unfamiliar to that of their youth.
Soccer moms are mostly responsible for the gaggle of kid safe laws ranging from stop signs every two feet to inundating TV and video game ratings to the manufacture of the "V chip". They aspire to the halls of Congress and the floor of the Senate to champion causes in the name of their families at the cost of casual freedoms.
They are reclusive, passive agressive, morally ambiguous and secretive. One should be wary of traveling through a soccer mom's natural habitat as your presence will be secretly alerted to by the authorities under vague and even false suspicions.
They also reside in urban and metropolitan areas.
Soccer mom, ballet mom.
by Dave April 24, 2004
 
7.
One of those moms you see in game stores who freaks the fuck out at managers for "polluting th minds of our youth". The soccer mom(read: bitch will commonly cut you off in traffic without warning, and then honk rapidly. On the back of her blue minivan/SUV there is ALWAYS a stupid generic soccer ball sticker. There are also about 2 to 3 stickers saying "my little fucker is an honor roll student at _____ Middle School."
In my local mall one day, I was just going into the music store to buy a new CD. I had my headphones on and was listening to my favorite band, Rammstein. A soccer mom(carrying PETA-endorsing stickers and pamphlets) approached me and yelled at me about my "Nazi pollution"(she could obviously hear it). I took my kickass German CD out and loaded it into one of the store's useable stereos, and turned the volume to the max. Bitch.
by Zwitterkrieger January 24, 2004