43
Any parent (most commonly female) who seeks to impose their ethical and moral standards upon the rest of the world, justifying the suppression of all other views by claiming it is for the protection of their children. Soccer moms believe that they are all great parents, despite their inability or unwillingness to take responsibility for their children.

Soccer moms are responsible for almost every act of censorship, and almost every frivolous safety "feature" or warning label seen on products today. Movies and games that contain strong language, graphic violence, strong language, or references to the occult are banned on behalf of soccer moms, because they cannot be bothered to pay attention to what their children are watching or playing. They are the reason that the rear windows of certain vehicles, the Ford Taurus for example, can only be rolled down approximately 12 inches (or .3 meters), and there is no option to allow you to disable this "safety feature." They are the reason that bags of peanuts say "Warning: May contain nuts." That's intelligent.

Soccer moms are also a major contributing factor to the gas price hike that America has experienced in recent years. They attempt to stand out and look "rugged" by driving SUVs. They do not realize that an SUV is not an economy car. It is large, it is ponderous, and it takes a good deal of distance to come to a stop. It is designed to be abused like no other vehicle, by towing trailers, hauling heavy cargo, and driving off road. Instead, they have been converted to child haulers and grocery getters. They consume twice as much gas as a station wagon, which would perform the same tasks admirably. Soccer moms dismiss the fuel consumption with the excuse "If I can afford the gas, why should you care?" This demonstrates their absolute lack of economic knowledge, as it shows that they are completely ignorant of one of the most basic economic concepts: supply and demand. They use more gasoline, but the same amount is refined. The result is higher gas prices for all.

So, to summarize, they cause high gas prices, needless censorship, inconvenient "safety features," numerous traffic accidents, and an entire generation of their spawn ("rebellious" youth who are angst ridden and void of any and all responsibility and morality).

I hope this shows, conclusively, that soccer moms are the scourge of this land, and the movement must be eliminated at all costs.
Get on the highway and look around. 1 out of every 3 people you see is one of these wretched "Soccer Moms"
by Lee Carter October 29, 2005
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44
A white upper middle or upper-class bitch in her mid 30's to late 40's. She can usually be seen loading her "precious little angles" into her massive, fuel burning SUV, to take them to soccer, or some other sport. She lives in a very large house in the suburbs with her 3 kids and her husband. Her husband is never home, he usually has some sort of corporate job, and he's having sex with the secretary. A Soccer Mom often causes road accidents because she drives at a "safe" 45 mph on highways where the speed limit is 70 mph. The accident is then paid for by her husband. The Soccer Mom always tells her kids shit like they are better than everyone else in their school, that they deserve more than everyone else, and that they are the most "talented" people in the world. This usually results in her kids being extremely full of themselves, because not only does the Soccer Mom encourage her kids to be snotty bitches who think they're better than everyone else, but they also participate in highly competitive sports. This makes her kids bratty, super competitive, obnoxious bitches. The Soccer Mom usually censors everything she doesn't feel is "appropriate" for her "perfect kids."

This includes:

- Movies that are rated above PG
- The Internet

- Video Games rated above E-10+
- Anything that makes a slight mention of drugs, alcohol, and sex.

- "Bad Words"
- "Explicit" Music

- Basically anything that isn't bubblegum flavored kiddie shit.
A Soccer Mom is usually Christian, thinks anything that isn't Christian is Satanic, and won't let her kids near it. She uses the V-Chip and puts parental controls on her kids video game systems.

Because of how sheltered her kids are, when they become adults, they are so naive about the real world, that they:
- Become Drug addicts, alcoholics, or both.
- Are so naive about the real world that it scares them.
or:
- Since their parents did everything for them as kids they figure they'll do the same as adults and become dependent on Mom and Dad.
A Soccer Mom usually dressed like a typical yuppie carries a coffee from Starbucks. Let's not forget that bumper sticker that reads "My child is an honor student at _______ Elementary school." She doesn't let her kids hang around the kids that she considers "the wrong crowd." She's selective with who her kids can be friends with and who they can't. She mostly would like her kids to hang around what she thinks are "good christian children" and not the "African American and Latin American minorities" or "The Hippie kids" She is most likely a racist and bigoted towards poor people. The Soccer Mom is basically a snobby bitch who thinks the world revolves around her and her bratty kids.
Person who just got in a car accident with a Soccer Mom: You fucking bitch! Why the fuck were you going on fucking 45 mph on a fucking highway for you stupid bitchy cunt!
Soccer Mom: Oh my gosh! Don't you ever use that language in front of my little angles! I'll have you know that my kids are the best on the soccer team, and they are honor students.
Person who just got in a car accident with a Soccer Mom: You think I give a shit?
Soccer Mom: Don't say that in front of my precious kids! Who do you think you are?
by X_x X_x June 17, 2009
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45
A middle-aged, middle-upper class woman who generally drives an SUV, a minivan or a station wagon (the latter of which is rarely seen in this era), and lives in a suburban area such as Parsippany, New Jersey, my hometown. They believe that their children are the most important things in the world, and refuse to let them listen to any music other than Top 40 radio, play any violent video games, or let them watch TV without them nearby, as any of these could supposedly corrupt their fragile minds. They are generally members of the local PTA, and have their kids participate in as many after-school programs as possible, so they could have themselves some "me" time. They usually put soccer ball stickers on their bumpers, tailgates, or gas caps, and are especially notorious for popularizing the infamous "honor student" bumper stickers. Soccer moms are usually homemakers, especially if they have young children, and live of the income generated by their well-paid husbands.
My next-door neighbor Liz Gonzales is a soccer mom.
by Kevin January 09, 2005
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46
Fat ass middle-age bitch whose whole life revolves around her children. Drives a mini-van or large SUV due to multiple children. Usually puts stickers on the back car window saying things such as, "Ashley #10 Soccer." Their day consists of:
-Wake up & pack lunches for kids (No sweets, pop, or anything unhealthy)
-Make sure the kids eat a nutritional breakfast
-Review the kids outfits
-Drive them to school
-Clean
-Pick them up from school
-Take ___ to soccer, ___ to ballet, and ___ to bible study.
-Pick all the kids up and get them all happy meals from McDonald's.
-Tells kids to start getting ready for bed, because it is already 7 PM
-Has very unpleasant sex with their apathetic husbands once kids are fast asleep

Commonly enjoys wearing knit sweaters with high water jeans. Usually have cheesy knick-knacks in their home, such as plates hung on the wall that say things like, "Hope" "Faith" "Believe" etc. Their children are extremely shielded from the real world, not being allowed to watch anything with bad language or sexual references. Can only watch PG-13 movies once they actually turn 13. Must be approved by the soccer mom first. Can't buy music, watch TV, hang out with friends, or anything without approval from their soccer mom first. They install V-Chips and/or parental controls on 3/4 of the TV channels. This leaves educational channels, which they usually end up blocking because of real life content. Ex. The History Channel, The Animal Planet. Usually pushes their hopes and dreams on their kids and forces them to follow them, which ends up failing epically. Their kids are so sheltered and forced to give up their individuality, which results in corruption. Their "perfect little angels" are usually hoes, sluts, bitches, potheads, drug users, drunks, or just all around bad kids behind their back. Heavy denial is involved at this point. Soccer moms are strictly christian, anything that doesn't have to do with it is the "devil's work." Soccer moms are constantly seen glaring at teenagers who curse or are "rowdy" in any sort of way. Tries to tell teens, who are complete strangers, what they can and can't do.
Teen: *picks up an R rated movie*

Soccer mom: *death glare* That movie is full of gore, you aren't old enough to watch it. Put in back, NAO.

Teen: Fuck off fat-ass bitch.

Soccer mom: *goes to the store manager to complain*

Nothing happens because the store manager is fed up with frumpy fat ass soccer moms who complain every two fucking seconds.

by Die Soccer Moms March 13, 2009
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47
A soccer mom is typically a white suburban woman aged from 30-50. They are usually picking their kids up from school and driving them to the various activities they participate in. Usually seen with an SUV, a coffee and a cell phone yelling at someone. She owns a two-story house with her husband and two/three kids with a picket fence in the front yard. They are crazy Christians who believe that anyone or anything that isn't Christian is cursed by the devil. They blame rap/rock/metal music, the Internet and video games for all the problems in the world. They believe they are always right and that their opinion matters most. They are often seen telling others what to do. They are one of the people most responsible for the dumbing down of today's society. Her kids live a life planned for them. They have to get straight A's in school. They are forced to participate in soccer, hockey and many other sports. They are not allowed to watch any movies rated higher than PG. They are not allowed to play any video games, other than a Nintendo Wii for an hour a day. They have no Internet access, the computer is for homework only. After being forced to listen to Sheryl Crow, Shania Twain and Creed all of their life, they end up becoming rebels the moment they start high school. They do drugs, they get into fights, and start bullying others. Little does the soccer mom know that her perfect little daughter is fucking the captain of her school's football team. Soccer moms make me sick.
That soccer mom yelled at me because I was playing Metallica full blast! She said it was the creation of the devil...
by Marco K. May 27, 2010
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48
female mothers, sometimes single, that haul their little tykes around to soccer practice or games; vehicles they drive range from big ass gas hogging SUV's to mini vans with a soccer sticker placed near the back window; usually upper middle class cake eating assholes
The soccer mom gave me the "evil eye" after I clearly stated loudly, soccer should have stayed in Europe.
by gabe July 06, 2003
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49
Middle aged, middle class white woman, usually from the suburbs of lare metropolitan areas. Her life revolves around her 'prescious' children, and she will do anything to keep them safe. This leads her to support things to keep those sweet 'gifts from God' safe, including: gun control laws, new stop signs, new traffic lights, speed bumps in residential neighborhoods, booster seats, and enviornmental laws.

Soccer moms usually own large, fuel ineffecient vehicles. This is the consequence of her having to transport her kids with all their sports equipment, books from sporting event to sporting event. Another consequence of this is a strong support for protracted guerilla wars in the Middle East that soccer moms (wrongly) believe will keep the price of gas down.

They voted for Clinton/Gore in 1996 cause Clinton was cute and made them think Dole would gut education/health care. In 2004 Bush has them scared shitless that terrorists would target their 'babies'.
A typical day for a soccer mom involves making lunch for her little tykes after which she 'runs errands'. These errands usually involve the purchase of large amounts of drugs from black men in the city. The drug causes soccer moms to drive erraticaly during rush hour (ie cutting people off, failing to merge properly, failing to signal while changing lanes, hugging two lanes, failing to maintain safe speeds). Drugs also cause the average soccer mom to adopt dellusional perceptions of her children. This causes her to yell at the other team during soccer matches whenever her child fails to score.
by yeslkjlkj September 18, 2004
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