106
We must not fear the soccer mom for much longer, with gas prices going up they will go broke soon trying to fill up their stupid ass suv's at the gas station. As we speak these clumsy beasts are taking hairpin turns flipping over their top heavy cars and then bursting into flames. If the Soccer mom spawn have not completley self destructed themselves in the coming few months we must take action. Here are a few ways you can overcome and destory one if you come across one
-Stake through the heart
-silver bullets
-garlic
-removing or destroying the brain
-etc.
"walking down the street"

Me: Holy shit what is that

Soccer Mom: How dare you use that foul language in front of my kids!!!!!! *Claws expand*

Me: ahhhhhhh "Machete slice"

SM: GURGLE GURGLE
by element547 June 17, 2009
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107
A white middle or upper-middle class woman in her mid-20's to mid-40's with the following characteristics:

1. Her children usually have names like Zachary, Tyler, Kaitlin, Hannah, Hailey, or Dylan
2. Husband is a rather bland person that works as a family practice doctor, attorney, computers, selling pharmaceuticals, or other office drone.
3. Her children are always enrolled in at least 2 activities such as ballet, hockey, skiing, softball, and of course, soccer.
4. Favorite hobbies that don't involve her kids usually include drinking Starbucks, shopping at Kohl's or Old Navy, or gossiping with friends
5. Favorite restaurants are usually Chik-Fil- A, Taco Bell, Red Robin, and Chili's
6. Religious preference is usually Southern Baptist or Nondenominational Megachurch
7. They live primarily in California, Texas, Florida, Atlanta, D.C., Colorado, or Arizona suburbs
8. Vehicles driven are usually mid or large SUV's, Suburban's, or hatchbacks
9. Her children are either home schooled or attend a private or charter school
10. Her children are not allowed to watch PG-13 or R-rated movies, play any video games not rated E, play outside unattended, browse the internet without parental controls, or have contact with any adults outside of family, teachers, or coaches
by waspcoloredstain June 13, 2013
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108
30-50 year old moms, usually living in the suburbs. They usually have about 2-3 kids, and drive them around everywhere in large ass gas guzzling SUVs with bumper stickers saying "My little fuck of a child is an honor roll student at ____ Middle School". Apparently it's impossible to fit two fucking kids in anything less than a car that seats seven.

They stay at home most of the time, working around the house, hauling their kids everywhere to anything like soccer to fucking astronaut school. Oh, and about their kids: The children of soccer moms are their fucking pride and joy, their "angels". They must have the best grades, be the most popular, be the best at soccer, you name it. The kids must be shielded from anything bad, like the occasional "hell" from that sitcom you watch to sex ed at school. They lack freedom of expression as the moms must not let them be able to do anything exciting in life, because apparently going on the internet turns them in to bad people. Which is funny, because half the time they grow up to be lonely shitholes that die from binge drinking or ODing on drugs. So they are not allowed to watch any TV shows rated over TV-G, can only go on the internet for 30 minutes each week with super parental controls turned on, and cannot play any video games over the rating E, even as teenagers.

Religion: The soccer mom is a hard core christian, and anything that is not 100% christian in any way is considered satanic, like TV shows, and ESPECIALLY music. Yep, they're only allowed to listen to boring country christian music shit.

Soccer moms don't do shit besides destroy the environment, take up space, and raise children totally wrong. Their husbands on the other hand, make $80K a year with some job he's always at, most likely fucking his hot co-worker the whole time.

Fuck soccer moms, they are the scum of this Earth and are a disgrace to the name of freedom and expression.
by wtfwaffles September 14, 2009
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109
in short.....a soccer mom is some overweight, SUV driving bastard who is often found at your local GameStop or EB games, bitching about Halo 3, saying that it's too fucking violent for her kids. This is also the type of mother who drags her little 'angels' to mcdonalds to buy them a happy meal instead of paddling them and giving them what they deserve.
The're often seen at soccer practice in their gas inefficient SUV that are the size of a Panzerkampfwagen VIII. They are the reason, the ONLY FUCKING reason Kidz Bop(Douche Bop)
is still a successful franchise. Oh and let's not forget the fact that Ms. MarySue is the reason why most car accident's actually tend to happen on the road, and she'll be the one at the voting booth to vote for John McCain, therefore we can see that supports senseless violence and she wants to waste more of her hubby's hard-earned money by buying all kinds of bullshit. Oh and lets not forget about her bratty-ass children, Meg and Dean. Apparently Meg is gonna become a prostitute and Dean is gonna get himself nvolved with MS-13.
Some dude: *at the movies going to buy a ticket to go see A Perfect Getaway*

Some girl: Oh man, i can't wait to go see this movie.
some dude: me neither babe, me neither.

soccer mom: um, you cant go to that movie, you're not old enough.

some dude: im 18 and she's 17.

soccer mom: why dont you rent tickets to go see Aliens in the Attic.

some dude: omg i hate that fuckibg movie, it's for babies

soccer mom: *covers childrens ears* dont you say that word in front of my sweet little angels!!

some girl: lets make-out.

some dude:*makes out with some girl*

soccer mom: OHMYGOODNESSSTOPTHAT!!! come on kids we're leaving!!!
by divinedemigod August 13, 2009
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110
married woman with children between about 6 and 10 who drives a large car such as a station wagon, and spends most of your time shunting her kids and kids' friends around. Often takes an active interst in the kids activities.
she used to be a wild one but now that she's got kids, she's become a soccer mom
by Nursie November 14, 2006
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111
A womans so breasts are so saggy when she walks she hits them with her knees
i saw a brode walking across the lawn i thought she was a soccer mom player she was kicking her tits around.
by Chavela September 21, 2006
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112
Overgrown little girls who let emotion run their lives and are the sole justification for repealing the 19th Amendment to the US Constitution.
Thanks to soccer moms, we got eight years of bill fucking clinton and probably another 10 years of constant threats to our country.
by dammit janet July 03, 2003
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