99
A matriarchical parental unit who's parenting ethos is based on rigidity, indoctrination, and denial of everything that would otherwise make its kids more independent. Also opposes video games, guns, and self-defense. Often supports globalism and "peace." Is against rugged individualism. Tries to "break" its kids of their individuality.
A cabal of child-abusing soccer moms tried to abolish fun and got themselves shot dead by an underground resistance movement of Right-Wing vigilante Goths.
by Iggy Hazard January 15, 2004
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100
a usually white, overly-rich, insecure jerk that hovers over her kids like helicopter moms. she usually forces her kids to attend some afterschool activity such as soccer (duh) or ballet. her kids are "little angels" and she loves them more than anything while in real life she probably wants to punch them in the face non stop. the soccer mom's looks usually range from -10 to 6. the are usually seen wearing some ugly exercise clothes, and driving some big-ass, ugly SUV or van when the only have one or two kids. soccer moms are the main cause of ESRB, the V-Chip, iPhones, tracking devices, drunk husbands, car accidents, traffic jams, bad parking, and asshole kids. when they come into contact with you, they will seem very nice and polite, but the seccond you turn around, they will say something bad about you and be jealous. also, most of them have southern accents and live in north carolina or any redneck state.
every time i go to school, there is a swarm of ugly Chevy suburbans, ford explorers, Cadillac escalades and any other overweight car. inside these cars are angry depressed women (Soccer Mom) abusing their kids and bitching them around
by lucasthegreat January 21, 2013
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101
The type of woman you'd see driving in front of you on the freeway at her own pace, with a "my child is a honor student at (insert school name here)" bumper sticker and gives you the finger when you pass her up. The type of woman who has worked with her kind to control what kids say to the point where saying words like "crap" and phrases like "shut up" are inappropriate. The type of woman who has worked effortlessly to dumb down once great networks like Nickelodeon and Disney Channel to where a show about a spoiled bitch girl that has everything she wants is the only thing deemed worthy for her kids to watch. This type f woman who brain washes her kids, sucking their souls so they are nothing more than pop culture slaves that give untalented whores like Miley Cyrus and Justin Bieber undeserved fame. The type of woman who encourages her daughter to dress like sluts and act as bimbos rather than developing and expressing their own individuality. The type of woman who looks down on woman who work to feed their kids and allow their kids personal freedom. This type of woman deserves no voice or say in anything because she is a waste of cells and has n real role in society.
Soccer Mom: My daughter is going with her friends to a Justin Bieber concert, he's the thing they're into these days.
Real Mom: Mine is going to alice in chains and soundgarden concert, she like those bands because people actually remember them after five years.
Soccer Mom: Ugh, your daughter is a misfit, I wouldn't be surprised if she turned out like you, she'll never be like mine
Real Mom: (laughs in her face) And that's supposed to be a bad thing?
by tech kid January 25, 2011
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102
A white middle-to-upper-middle class woman, generally aged 30-55. Has the requisite 2.3 kids. Usually the product of a loveless childhood and an equally loveless marriage as the trophy wife of an up-and-coming executive or professional. Motto is "my kids are my life". Refers to her kids as "my Precious Little Angels" (PLAs) or "God's Gifts to Me" (GGTMs), and believes the entire world exists just for the benefit of her PLAs. Terrified that child molesters are lurking behind every bush, and that gays are determined to "recruit" her PLAs. Obsessed with whatever is the latest "danger to kids" being promoted that week on Oprah or Dr. Phil or the latest Parenting Magazine. The Soccer Mom is constantly badgering school officials and politicians, promoting the latest "nanny law/regulation" to protect the GGTMs. Usually fundie or conserviative Christian with a cult-like obsession, and makes sure her PLAs participate in choir and church soccer camps (hence the term: "Soccer Mom"). Extremely controlling of the social life of the GGTMs, repressing all independent thought, and all signs of non-conformity. The GGTMs teen years are marked by Ritalin and trips to high priced child psychologists. The PLA daughter often grows up to be an XXX rated porn star, while the PLA son becomes a transvestite drummer in a punk rock band.
The Soccer Mom has been the artistic inspiraton for outstanding movies such as "Diary of a Mad Housewife" and "The Betty Broderick Story". Also classic songs such as "Harper Valley PTA".
by frantic1971 March 25, 2010
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103
Mostly a white, dry pussy 30-50 year old mother who drives a "5 star SUV" to protect her so called "little angels" (meaning her children). With the stench of Happy Meals in her SUV, they can be found daily, picking up their children from school, the chess club, swim team, soccer practice, etc. Soccer moms are often liberal, and bitch about everything, from violent video games to when some one burps and doesn't say "Excuse me." Soccer moms can also be found in groups, which is called an oh shit.
Soccer moms pretty much worship their local public school, by attending all PTA meetings, forcing their little children to participate in all activities, and can always be found helping out at a school dance/play/concert/etc.
They are always against a war. No matter what the circumstance is of the war, there is almost always an oh shit in front of the White House protesting. A real soccer mom in this case would be wearing a shirt that claims her son died in Iraq; however, 65% of the time they don't even have a son at all, but just want attention.
Soccer moms also protest how the US doesn't care about America's youth. On some days, there would be a group of the protesters holding signs to stop DUI. Similar to the war protest, some soccer moms wear shirts that say their daughter was hit and killed by a drunk driver. Again, she may not even have a daughter.
When at home, a soccer mom are on the phone bitching to her other soccer mom friends, saying how their husband is so mean and doesn't care about her because he works 18 hours a day. The real reason that the husband works so much is because his wife spends his salary on a new SUV, gas money, groceries, and sends donations to organizations such at the Salvation Army, Red Cross, and the public school fund raisers. When the husband is finally home, he isntantly gets his balls ripped off by his wife because he worked all day. Just wanting to sleep, he goes to bed and the soccer mom gets all emotional because he only cares about work. Every day, she would think of how well behaved her little angels are in school. Ironically, her "little angel" is in detention at that very moment in order to feel liberated from their mother.
Also, soccer moms always flip shit when they see a video game in which anyone could be harmed in anyway. This means for her offspring that they cannot play games like Mario Kart, Super Mario, or even a hockey game because there are fights in it. In her eyes, this is how the ESRB rating system is:
Everyone: ok
E10+: E13+
T: 18
M: 21
Movies are almost the same thing. They refuse to let their child watch a movie like Finding Nemo because of the fact that the mother dies.
G: OK!
PG: Not safe
PG-13: They should be ashamed of themselves for making such a good movie.
R: *protest*

Soccer moms also are not generally smart when it comes to being offended. For example, if they are watching a Wedding Crashers and see the part with the girls on the bed, they will be enraged at the cast and bitch about how the movie is basically a porn movie. But instead of turning off the movie, they keep watching it anyway and get more insulted.
Rinaldi burped aloud in the gym, vausing it to echo. He was then given a 10 minute lecture from a soccer mom on how he needs some manners. Being the dumb shit he is, he calls her a bitch. This resorted in a school conference about profanity in the schools.
by Mr. Gzella January 14, 2007
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104
These women love their children and like to be "cool" with the kids. Usually they try and protect their kids from anything that may be evil.
Soccer moms wear khaki pants from the Gap.
by Anonymous July 18, 2004
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105
30-50 year old moms, usually living in the suburbs. They usually have about 2-3 kids, and drive them around everywhere in large ass gas guzzling SUVs with bumper stickers saying "My little fuck of a child is an honor roll student at ____ Middle School". Apparently it's impossible to fit two fucking kids in anything less than a car that seats seven.

They stay at home most of the time, working around the house, hauling their kids everywhere to anything like soccer to fucking astronaut school. Oh, and about their kids: The children of soccer moms are their fucking pride and joy, their "angels". They must have the best grades, be the most popular, be the best at soccer, you name it. The kids must be shielded from anything bad, like the occasional "hell" from that sitcom you watch to sex ed at school. They lack freedom of expression as the moms must not let them be able to do anything exciting in life, because apparently going on the internet turns them in to bad people. Which is funny, because half the time they grow up to be lonely shitholes that die from binge drinking or ODing on drugs. So they are not allowed to watch any TV shows rated over TV-G, can only go on the internet for 30 minutes each week with super parental controls turned on, and cannot play any video games over the rating E, even as teenagers.

Religion: The soccer mom is a hard core christian, and anything that is not 100% christian in any way is considered satanic, like TV shows, and ESPECIALLY music. Yep, they're only allowed to listen to boring country christian music shit.

Soccer moms don't do shit besides destroy the environment, take up space, and raise children totally wrong. Their husbands on the other hand, make $80K a year with some job he's always at, most likely fucking his hot co-worker the whole time.

Fuck soccer moms, they are the scum of this Earth and are a disgrace to the name of freedom and expression.
by wtfwaffles September 14, 2009
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