-Wake up & pack lunches for kids (No sweets, pop, or anything unhealthy)
-Make sure the kids eat a nutritional breakfast
-Review the kids outfits
-Drive them to school
-Pick them up from school
-Take ___ to soccer, ___ to ballet, and ___ to bible study.
-Pick all the kids up and get them all happy meals from McDonald's.
-Tells kids to start getting ready for bed, because it is already 7 PM
-Has very unpleasant sex with their apathetic husbands once kids are fast asleep
Commonly enjoys wearing knit sweaters with high water jeans. Usually have cheesy knick-knacks in their home, such as plates hung on the wall that say things like, "Hope" "Faith" "Believe" etc. Their children are extremely shielded from the real world, not being allowed to watch anything with bad language or sexual references. Can only watch PG-13 movies once they actually turn 13. Must be approved by the soccer mom first. Can't buy music, watch TV, hang out with friends, or anything without approval from their soccer mom first. They install V-Chips and/or parental controls on 3/4 of the TV channels. This leaves educational channels, which they usually end up blocking because of real life content. Ex. The History Channel, The Animal Planet. Usually pushes their hopes and dreams on their kids and forces them to follow them, which ends up failing epically. Their kids are so sheltered and forced to give up their individuality, which results in corruption. Their "perfect little angels" are usually hoes, sluts, bitches, potheads, drug users, drunks, or just all around bad kids behind their back. Heavy denial is involved at this point. Soccer moms are strictly christian, anything that doesn't have to do with it is the "devil's work." Soccer moms are constantly seen glaring at teenagers who curse or are "rowdy" in any sort of way. Tries to tell teens, who are complete strangers, what they can and can't do.
Soccer mom: *death glare* That movie is full of gore, you aren't old enough to watch it. Put in back, NAO.
Teen: Fuck off fat-ass bitch.
Soccer mom: *goes to the store manager to complain*
Nothing happens because the store manager is fed up with frumpy fat ass soccer moms who complain every two fucking seconds.
Soccer moms are usually seen screaming at people, getting into car accidents, and breaking copies of Grand Theft Auto: Vice City and refusing to pay for them.
2. The only people who have no real purpose in life other than to pick up there children from school, take them to an after school program, (Karate,Soccer,Baseball, Football)and to be the trophy wife of a husband that hardly spends time with his kids. Often seen trying to blend in, but stands out like a sore thumb. Usually seen driving a huge ass SUV and is proud that their child is a slave to pop culture and won't think for themselves. They are allowed to bring their bratty ass kids anywhere, but if you are in line with a box of condoms (trying not to make the same mistake they made) they have the balls to make faces and make stupid ass remarks. They also think that their "little angels" wouldn't make any of the same mistakes they made. Even though they act like there the boss, they don't run sh!t.
Soccer Mom: *Laughing* What do you need those for, you're pretty young.
Man in Line:Ease up out of my face, bitch
Soccer Mom: Don't talk use that language in front of my kids!*Covering kids ears*
The soccer mom goes home to find her oldest daughter having an orgy with three guys, two girls, and a goat.
They are also great targets for a variety of weapons.
Soccer moms are mostly responsible for the gaggle of kid safe laws ranging from stop signs every two feet to inundating TV and video game ratings to the manufacture of the "V chip". They aspire to the halls of Congress and the floor of the Senate to champion causes in the name of their families at the cost of casual freedoms.
They are reclusive, passive agressive, morally ambiguous and secretive. One should be wary of traveling through a soccer mom's natural habitat as your presence will be secretly alerted to by the authorities under vague and even false suspicions.
They also reside in urban and metropolitan areas.