|1.||Seven Kevly Sins|
Sins to express the actions performed by someone who is being excessively gay, obnoxious, parasitic, fat or just being gigantic fag in general, while executing one of the seven majorly frowned upon actions a human being can do, or if they are carried out in extreme excess.
The Seven Kevly sins are as follows:
1. "Thou shall not commit the act of being Kevgay." – When one is so aggravating and gay or bitchy about something, especially when it has little pertinence or isn't a very big deal, they are being Kevgay.
2. "Thou shall now have the appearance of Kevfat." – If an individual eats in excess, starves himself and eats in secret to appear to be eating less and losing weight, and/or to pretend like they are really into working out even though they aren't that much, they have committed the sin of being Kevfat.
3. "Thou shall not have such knowledge to act Kevsmart." – When one says a statement about an object, hobby, band, etc., and try to act knowledgeable about the subject, especially wherein they have no idea what they are talking about or the facts of the subject are either completely wrong or extremely scarce, yet they try to justify their statement, then they are performing the sin of being Kevsmart.
4. "Though shall not say or do things that will result in being Kevfunny." – If one is to try and be funny and completely fail, even if they have amused themselves, they have just been Kevfunny.
5. “Thou shall not become or act like a Kevtool.” – There are many ways one can commit the sin of Kevtoolishness. In short, it is someone who tries to be like, or be liked by, another individual or group that they will change their own morals and ideals to be of that which are possessed by the other person or group. It may consist of the changing of clothes, genre of music, a change in humor or opinions, or the offender’s entire personality may even change, just to impress another. They may also elaborate on how much they like a certain person, male or female, which can lead to the source of their Kevtoolishness. If a person does any of these things, they are a Kevtool.
6. “Though shall not tell a Kevlie.” – One of the most commonly committed, but not necessarily the only one commonly committed of the Seven Kevly Sins would be telling a Kevlie. Kevlies usually consist of, but are not limited to, telling of an uncle that does not exist. They commonly consist of many different smaller lies strung together to seem more believable, but can also result in one gigantic lie. When a Kevlie is backed up with other lies, the sub-lies are referred as Kevshit(s) (derivate of the Greco-Roman “bullshit”). If someone is telling an entirely unbelievable lie or has many holes in their story, they are probably telling a Kevlie.
7. "Thou shall not be Kevin Flin." - When one has committed all the other sins in multiple offenses, within a short period of time, you have, by definition, achieved the last and final sin. The violator is now Kevin Flin in the purist of forms.
Along the same lines of the Seven Kevly Sins come the Seven Kevenly Virtues. Although the name has the word seven in it, it is merely a formality. There are no actual Kevenly Virtues recorded to date.
Disclaimer: The entire creation of the Seven Kevly Sins and anything of relevance to the subject matter are entirely fictitious and serve the purpose of describing someone who may be acting extremely terrible. Any similarities to any person, living or deceased, is entirely coincidental and have no real meaning or connection towards any one individual.
Examples of the Seven Kevly Sins:
1. friends are making fun of the “Kevin” for being a Kevtool
Kevin: What the fuck you guys? Are you like all on your periods or something, I mean like CHRIST raises red, badly circulated hands towards the sky, go get a tampon or something. I don’t understand why you guys gotta keep making fun of me for this. I mean I like her, and she’s cool and all… more rambling along the same lines.
2. Kevin: I don’t even like the lunch here, and that’s why I don’t eat; not because I’m fat.
3. Kevin: Dude I just got some mad dank “blueberry yum yums”. They were so tight.
Anonymous: Kevin there’s no such thing as “blueberry yum yums.” Shut the fuck up.
Kevin: Oh, I guess you know everything. I don’t have it or anything.
Anonymous: Oh yea? Let me see it.
Kevin: Okay it’s in my pocket… Shit, I left it in my other pants.
4. Kevin: Dude, that girl’s face looked like a Popsicle stick tied to a motorcycle engine dipped in chocolate. No one laughs, except him
5. Kevin talking to “friends”: Dude, that Kayla girl is such an ugly bitch. I hate her so much.
Kevin texting Kayla that very same night: If you ever want to talk, I’m here for you. You’re one of the most beautiful girls I have ever seen in my entire life. Want some nudes?
6. Kevin: My uncle…
…is a drug lord.
…is Jane Pitman.
…is an antique car collector.
…won the lottery and now I am rich because he died directly after because a shark ate him and his will was only entitled to me because he hates my dad and he has no other family because my other uncle’s are on my mom’s side so he loves me and I get it all.
…was a nazi who was killed in World War II.
…was a nazi who survived World War II.
…was an American soldier during World War II.
…owns 86% of the controlling stock of AniMerge.
…is the entire board of directors over at Sony Japan.
…actually, I only have 1 uncle.
7. Kevin: Dude, check this out, last night, My uncle, who is a Pimp, hooked me up with his best ho for free, but she didn’t like the clothes I was wearing so I went to my Uncle clothes store and bought new ones, which explains why I am wearing these clothes right now.
Anonymous 1: Dude… you were at my house last night, I mean, who would forget something like that seeing as you ate the entire pizza I ordered when I was in the bathroom.
Kevin: Dude, shut the fuck up I was never at your house. I don’t know why you have to interrupt all of my fucking stories. CHRIST, I’m just going to like stick my hand in a meat grinder and then throw a dodgeball at your knees. Seriously, go be gay somewhere else chuckles to himself and looks around for others approval, which he does not find.
Anonymous 2: I thought you said your uncle was OJ Simpson?
Kevin: That was… uhh… my other uncle. That’s on my mom’s side.
Anonymous 1: OJ Simpson is black…
Kevin: No he isn’t. What the fuck are you fucking talking about you fucking homofags? Haven’t you heard? He was recently proven to be like 100% white or something like that. Plus I’m like 18% black so it doesn’t matter. And he was adopted. I would know, he’s my uncle.
Anonymous 2: No…
Kevin: Yea, that’s right, you don’t know.