An ugly, dumpy version of Strong Bad
with a beer belly and a comb-over. Walks around with a grocery bag from Aldi which is full of unknown contents, save for a melty candy bar which he chews on very loudly while standing too close to you in line. Has a tendency to say things that are not quite one thing, and not quite another. See below for example. He is believed to smell like Pea Soup. Also, he lives behind a bush and pops out as you walk by. He's so cool, you don't even know he's cool. Recently opened a Mortgage service.
Senor Cardgage (popping out of bush): Oh, excardon me!
Homestar Runner: ... (singing) I dunno what that means! And you still smell like Pea Soup!!!
Senor Cardgage: I have to be going, Ethel. I have some important lines to stand in.
Strong Bad: Will I ever see you again?
Senor Cardgage: Excrobably not.
Ultra cool dude with a wicked combover who smells like pea soup and likes to speak in catch phrases that are almost one word and not quite another.
Senor Cardgage, suspicously coming out of the bushes: "Oh, excardon me."
Homestar, passing by: "I don't know what that means . . . and you still smell like pea soup!"