A man who appears to be twice his actual age, and spends his time fenagelling free food and getting ahead on work. Will often appear bored or frustrated with conversation with colleagues of equal/lesser intelligence although these scenarios are his only human interaction and are what keeps him going.
That guy working at the laundro-mat thinks he is so smart, he was acting like a total Schwartz.
by MCWheeler June 17, 2008

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Top Definition
An American unit of linear measure equal to 7.5 inches. Also commonly referred to as "two hands".
Mike has a full schwartz, where as Tom and Frank only have half.
by LT48313 February 19, 2011

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The Schwartz is the greater magic, a power that ties all living things. It originated in the Mel Brooks movie Spaceballs, a Star Wars/Star Trek spoof film. It is a direct replica of The Force, only with the name changed for copyright reasons. The keeper of The Schwartz is a short man living on a desert planet named Yogurt. The Schwartz swords are mearly generated in the position for comedic purposes and are not "penis powered".
HELMET: Yogurt. Yogurt. I hate Yogurt. Even with strawberries.
SANDURZ: I'll call the attack squad, sir.
HELMET: No, we can't go in there. Yogurt has the Schwartz. It's far too powerful.
SANDURZ: But, sir, your ring. Don't you have the Schwartz, too?
HELMET: No, he got the up-side. I got the down-side. You see, there's two kinds of every Schwartz.

LONE STARR: But you're the one...
YOGURT: Yes. I am the keeper of a greater magic. A power known throughout the universe, known as...
BARF: The force?
YOGURT: No. The Schwartz.
by TheShadow April 10, 2006

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The act of blowing a load in a woman's ear. More than less causing her to become deaf.
I heard Savanah and Holland are both deaf now from receiving terrible Schwartzes' from Josh.
by joebobbob3 November 26, 2015

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An awesome Jewish deli in Montreal, specifying in smoked meat.
Dude, we gotta go to Schwartz's, and bring all our Jewish friends!
by sha721 December 06, 2010

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Short douchebags
Warwick Davis is such a Schwartz in "Life's Too Short."
by tittysprinkles123 September 03, 2012

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A term of endearment to a friend; comradary.
Calling a friend schwartz. Example, answering the phone, "Hello, schwartz, what?"
by Boomjay Boomjay June 06, 2005

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A verb referring to soccer, it is the act of missing a ridiculously easy shot from five feet away or less in soccer.
Example 1: Zack had the ball right in front of the goal and he totally schwartzed it right over.

Example 2: *teammate misses goal* HE SCHWARTZED IT!!!!
by pimpdaddy93 August 06, 2010

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