An SUV bitch is a particular group of American females who drive a large luxury or high end foreign SUV.
SUV bitches are hostile, domineering, inconsiderate, rude, and often deadly drivers. They are often seen cutting other drivers off, tailgating motorists, and refusing to let motorists merge onto freeways. These actions often lead to traffic accidents in which an innocent civilian is maimed by an SUV bitch.
Most SUV bitches will only drive luxury or high end crossover SUVs manufactured by Mercedes, BMW, Lexus, Land Rover, Volkswagen, or Infiniti. Studies have show that most SUV bitches have no need drive such a large and expensive SUV; however, scientists are constantly baffled as more SUV bitches appear on America's motorways. It has been theorized that the SUV bitch drives luxury SUVs as a sign of socioeconomic status and social dominance.
Average American motorists need to be cautious around SUV bitches while on the roadway. The SUV bitch often does not focus on the aspect of driving and is primarily concerned with other factors. Factors such as, talking or texting on the cellphone, putting on makeup, or chatting with friends.
Most SUV bitches are white females around the ages of 18 and up. SUV bitches around the age of 18-25 are more likely to cause accidents.
When you see an SUV bitch on the roadway. Follow these safety guidelines provided by the National Transportation and Safety Board.
1. Maintain a distance of at least 4 car lengths away from the SUV bitch.
2. If the SUV bitch trailing behind you closely. Safely pull over and let the SUV bitch drive ahead.
3. When crossing an intersection with no stoplight or sign, remember that SUV bitches always have the right of way.
4. When merging onto a highway be prepared to yield to SUV bitches speeding in the right lane
Craig: "I was on my way to work when I was blindsided by an SUV bitch in a white Land Rover"
Randy: "What the fuck?"
Craig: "Yeah, I was merging onto the interstate when some 20 something SUV bitch struck me from behind going ten miles over the speed limit"
Randy: "Dear God!"
Craig: "Turns out she was texting her friend Alexis and she never saw me"
Randy: "You need to take this to court!"
Craig: "I wish but my lawyer said I was at fault!"
Craig: "I should have yielded....."
Doctor: "Craig, I have to amputate your left leg. I'm sorry but it hasn't healed and its infected"
These drivers are usually women under 5 feet who drive expensive luxury SUVs, such as the Cadillac Escalade, Infiniti QX56, Mercedes GL, Toyota LandCruiser, etc.
They are possibly the WORST DRIVERS on the road today. They have a lack of skill in driving as most likely they are;
Figuring out how to change the radio station
Shutting up their spoiled brats
Putting make-up on as they may have got plastic surgery
Yelling at other drivers that the SUV bitch thinks are terrible drivers while the SUV is the real bad driver
Sorting out lawsuits because their kid got beaten up for showing off his Blackberry
Nobody knows why they buy SUVs, primarily because "It's safer than a normal car", when they are more likely to roll-over. Other reasons include the size, style and off-road capability (most of these luxury SUVs have AWD and not a real 4WD system).
Gas prices and the economy doesn't seem to hurt them also, for unknown reasons.
Me: God damnit, another red light!
Friend: Oh well... Hey is that mom texting?
Me: You're joking right?
Friend: No and she's about to....
(Me and my friend get rear ended)
Me: OH SHIT! ARE YOU OKAY?
(Friend is dead :( )
(I run out to the SUV bitch's SUV)
Me: WHAT IS YOUR FUCKING PROBLEM?
SUV bitch: I'm so sorry I hit the gas instead of the brakes.
Me: YEAH RIGHT! YOU'RE FUCKING TEXTING ON YOUR PHONE FOR NO GOOD REASON AND NOW MY BEST FRIEND IS DEAD! THANKS A LOT WE'VE BEEN BEST FRIENDS SINCE KINDERGARDEN!
SUV bitch: Well, you shouldn't have been driving that small little crapbox, and I was telling my son I'm almost there!
Me: I'M ALMOST HERE MY ASS! GOOD LUCK AS I'M GOING TO SUE YOU FOR RECKLESS DRIVING!
SUV bitch: Well, I have good lawyers!
Me: Yeah right!