Dr Phil: "Before you come down to the office or emergency room. I want you to try something that we in the medical profession commonly refer to as a Rose Ann Barr Naked - Also known as Rosie O'Donnell naked. Otherwise known as a Cow Heather, or just a f#$&ing cow.
What you need to do is, try walking down East Carson and find a fat ass cow to ogle. If you don't want to leave your home then sit on your couch and turn on the television and watch The View. Watching that cow Rosie O'Donnell should alleve you of your erection. I know it always does for me. If that doesn't work, then we have other less invasive methods we can try. Such as going to the local frozen yogurt shop and viewing a few hogs, I mean cows there. Anyway, good luck."