Diagonosis is simple because the pubic hair actually reshapes itself into a 'Pubic Quiff'
A strange and itchy rash which causes the victim to gyrate in comical ways.
Thinning head hair (on which the sufferer begins to use excessisve amounts of brylcream in a misguided attempt to maintain an appearance of) (something, no one actually knows).
Expanding side burns.
And overall Fat Boy weight gain.
Also turned up jeans.
There is NO KNOWN CURE.
Upon going to the gents was horrified to find he had contracted a severe case of Rockabilly Herpes and that his pubic hair had reformed it self into a quiff so perfect that he knew that the limp one which he carried on his head would never be able to compete.