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Reut·ers Cramp (Roit'·ərz-Krămp) NOUN:

1. The sudden and accute optic, occular-motor and cerebral pain (sometimes, with attendant seizures) resulting from reading too many news articles, viewing too many news videos or both, by the news agency Reuters. Usually complicated by the factor of:

The sheer number of articles (in rapid succession) over a short span of time that mention themes, categories or situations (such as "bail-out") that have been over-done and drilled-into-the-ground so often (in the last umpteen weeks/months/years) as to cause instant nausea.

Or (in the case of one isolated incident -- known to THIS lexicographer) reading said news articles less-than 30 minutes after eating 9+ pieces of syrup-drenched baklava.

NOTE: Potential warning signs may include, but are not limitted to:

Drooling, profuse enuresis (sweating,) sticky hands and face with a desire to drink milk or inject insulin and a Herbert Lom -like eye twitch. Post-trauma effects many times include Reader's Block.

WARNING: Reuters Cramp may also happen with the reading of other, non-related, news agencies articles; and may in fact, not even be related to Reuters.

{based-on the stem name "Thomson Reuters" -- "...the world's leading source of intelligent information for businesses and professionals." Although Reuters was first Identified as the offending source; it was quickly realized that it just SEEMED this way due to it's notoriously accurate and continuously up-to-date reporting.
The most likely actual causes are the journalistic professions and news moguls that purvey hyped-up-tripe and over-sensationalized, easily-digestible, candy-coated mega-doses of non-sensical minutia; delivered ad infinitum, ad nauseum by sycophantic reporters, "ratings-whores" producers and the illustious major news corporations that they represent; in a non-stop, streaming frontal-lobe-assault of the general public. However, this is JUST speculation at this time.}
(From Neil & Bob)
Neil: "Hey Bob... up for a little one-on-one?"

Bob: "Sorry Neil. I just got done trying to watch the news; and between the talking multilingual-reporters with closed-captions and sign-language inset, the split-screen dual-infomation panels in the center, the "upcoming news" info-banner at the top just below the advertiser's inset, the sideline FYI commentaries/marginal notes, AND the two different speed stock-tickers at the bottom just above the news-ticker flowing in the opposite direction; I got "Reuters Cramp" and threw-up...'s either that or the baklava. One of the two."

Neil: "Hmmm, certainly sounds like "Reuters Cramp" to me, Bob. You may need to rest for a few day and maybe take an insulin shot."
by drochalsey May 19, 2009
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