Gregory Rasputin

Died:December 31, 1916
Cause of Death: multiple causes

Gregory Rasputin was an Eastern Orthodox monk from Siberia. He was unwashed, unclean, and unshaven. Rasputin was a carousing womaniser and monk with a 13 inch schlong. He developed close ties to the czar and his family and heeled czarovich Alexi's heamophila. His sexual appitite aroused all the women close to the czar but alienated all the czars relatives. One of the relatives prince Felix, conspired to kill Rasputin on December 31, 1916, New Year's Eve for being a bad influence on the Czar during World War I. He and other conspiritors poisioned all of Rasputin's food and wine with cyanide. One of the conspiritors dressed like a gypsy woman for the party. Rasputin swallowed enough poison to kill four horses. He was shot several times, stabbed, strangled, assaulted, castrated, and he was drowned in the Neva river in St. Petersburg. Three days later Rasputin was dead. Rasputin's murder was a death sentence for Czar Nicholas II and his family. Czar Nicholas II and his family was shot and murdered in 1918 in a Red Russian occupied middle class home.

Theory of Rasputin's life span: I beleve that the reason why Rasputin survived murder attempt arter murder attempt was that he had a bio-chemical in his system that kept him alive.
by Le Mans July 17, 2005
A crap that is 13 inches or longer in length. Can also be a term of endearment for a friend.
"Man, I have to take a big Rasputin."
"Hey Jeff, you old Rasputin you."
by Rear Watcher September 08, 2011
Grigori Rasputin was a Russian monk and mystic, remembered mostly for his enormous penis and the fact that he just would not die.

He supposedly had some sort of healing powers, with which he healed the Tsar's son of hemophilia. He then developed a significant influence in the Russian empire's government through the Tsar's wife. Some other guys didn't like that, so they decided to kill him.

First, they fed him cyanide via some wine and cake. Keep in mind, this cyanide was enough to kill five men. He just stood up and walked away from it. One of the men then panicked and shot him. He still wasn't dead. So then, the entire party takes clubs and whatever blunt weapons they could find and begin beating him with these. Once beaten into submission, Rasputin was thrown into a river. When his body was recovered, the cause of death was deemed to be drowning.

Something that is not part of the story but is also fact is that, after Rasputin was buried, people exumed his body and tried to cremate him. His form appeared to sit up in the flames. However, there is a scientific explanation for this.

Overall, he was a guy that was very well-endowed, historically the hardest man to kill, and there was some disco song that somebody wrote about him.
Rasputin had a large influence on the Tsar's wife, but he is more remembered for the fact that it took so much to kill him.
by Comrade Captain Communist June 13, 2013
When someone grows a full beard and shaves his head. Also known as the "Mad Russian". This look is popular with super villians and the former KGB.
Did you see Johnny? He just shaved his head into a Rasputin. He looks like he's trying to steal national secrets.
by Rasputin's Black Beard August 01, 2010
Not to be confused with creamed rice or as we Brits call it, rice pudding.

"Gregory Yefimovich Rasputin, the son of a Russian peasant, was born in Pokrovskoye, Siberia, in 1872. Although he briefly attended school he failed to learn how to read or write.

Rasputin entered the Verkhoture Monastery but decided against becoming a monk. He returned to Pokrovskoye and at the age of 19 married Proskovia Fyodorovna. Over the next few years the couple had four children.

Rasputin eventually left home and traveled to Greece and the Middle East. He claimed he had special powers that enabled him to heal the sick and lived off the donations of people he helped. Rasputin also made money as a fortune teller.

Soon after arriving in St. Petersburg in 1903, Rasputin met Hermogen, the Bishop of Saratov. He was impressed by Rasputin's healing powers and introduced him to Nicholas II and his wife, Alexandra Fedorovna. The Tsar's only son, Alexis, suffered from hemophilia (a disease whereby the blood does not clot if a wound occurs). When Alexis was taken seriously ill in 1908, Rasputin was called to the royal palace. He managed to stop the bleeding and from then on he became a member of the royal entourage.

In September, 1915, Nicholas II assumed supreme command of the Russian Army fighting on the Eastern Front. As he spent most of his time at GHQ, Alexandra Fedorovna now took responsibility for domestic policy. Rasputin served as her adviser and over the next few months she dismissed ministers and their deputies in rapid succession.

Rumours began to circulate that Rasputin and Alexandra Fedorovna were leaders of a pro-German court group and were seeking a separate peace with the Central Powers in order to help the survival of the autocracy in Russia.

Rasputin was also suspected of financial corruption and right-wing politicians believed that he was undermining the popularity of the regime. Felix Yusupov, the husband of the Tsar's niece, Vladimir Purishkevich, the leader of the monarchists in the Duma, and Grand Duke Dmitri, formed a conspiracy to murder Rasputin. On 29th December, 1916, Rasputin was invited to Yusupov's home where he was given poisoned wine and cakes. When this did not kill him he was shot by Yusupov and Purishkevich and then dropped through a hole in the frozen canal outside the house."

RASPUTIN may also refer to the abbreviation: Red-raw Arsehole Succumbing to Penetration Under the Tiring Interception of Nozzles.
1st Guy: Argh man She's jail-abit, why didn't she throw you off.

2nd Guy: Well I gave her arse-hole a good seeing to RASPUTIN style.
by Robert Head April 05, 2007
The act of Popping a Boner, Unzipping/Opening your pants, sticking it out, and waving it at a group of people, as to imitate the Crazy Russian Monk.

Peter got drunk and pulled a Rasputin at the poker game last night.
by Baka Derka Allah April 13, 2008
Rasputin was an adviser to the czarina in Russia. He was known for his 11.8 inch penis and his frequent sexual parties throughout all hours of the night. Rasputin is used to describe any word that implies large, long, mass amount, etc.
Dude i just took a rasputin shit!
by Alan Chou I November 11, 2007
Owner of a chain if dope record stores throughout the San Francisco Bay Area.
I'm gonna go diggin at Raspitin's.
by Soufpaw April 30, 2003

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