The Queens Ubiquitous Ever-Lasting Patrol (QUELP) was founded in 1365 by Lord Henry Thistletwat of Bristol. It continues to this day to serve the reigning Queen with pride and integrity. The Patrol consists of 50 men, 4 Knights of the Realm in charge of operations - which currently consist of drinking tea, discussing Edwardian politics and shouting at the Swiss Guard stationed outside of QUELP HQ - a wooden log cabin occupying 74 acres in East Manchester, just a stonesthrow from Buckingham Palace.
The word 'quelp' has become synonymous with a proper and decent gentleman, to which all other men aspire.
By George, he sure is a quelp. The other day he saved my daughter from addiction and wrenched my family out of poverty.

Why if I were only a quelp instead o'a dirty prole, I wouldnae haf to werk in mi pa's sex shoppe.
by Professor Mycroft Napolen VIII September 12, 2006
In the event that lint attaches itself to the hair twixt the butt cheeks, such an attachment is commonly called a "quelp." Quelps are analogous to the hair that inhabits the belly button.
Dude, I must have scraped a fist-full of quelp out of my crack!

The quelp is like unto the bat. They both dwell in dark caverns and hang poised over piles of shit.

I just bought new underwear and I have been pulling quelps out of my butt all day.
by Martison Bralex December 07, 2007
A person with an obnoxious voice and/or personality. Can include, but not limited to, ugly, stupid, or annoying people.

Pronunciation can differ from "qwelp" to something like "kelp".
What a stupid prick! He's such a quelp.

She never shuts up about her cats. Stupid quelp...
by FLCL May 26, 2005

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