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1.
Background:
Gannon University thrives on the idea that "Diversity Matters." Despite this, all girls currently enrolled as a Gannon student are rated on the Pseudocooter scale.

Definition:
Pseudocooter (n.) su-dough-coo-ter: direct descendant, but non-relative of the ever famous "oh my freakin cooter!"

The Story:
Pseudocooter came into existence when her existence was confused with that of the aforementioned "oh my freakin cooter!" Pseudocooter is the epitome of Gannon's female population.

Pseudocooter possesses a portion of all that Gannon's females have to offer. She is truly the total package. Ranging from her golden studed belt that accompanies her undersized jeans to her awe inspiring hair extensions, Pseudocooter never fails to impress the power room's occupants upon her entrance.

Pseudocooter's seemingly endless supply of trashy hand bags and totes enspires even the least fashionly "Erieites" to engage in a double-take.

When the director of administration is viewing incoming applications, she sets aside the female applicees.

Gannon's summer orientation event is simply the university's opportunity to "place a name to a face." Ergo, the pseudocooter point scale is put into action. Incoming freshman girls are, at that time, rated on a scale from 0-0.02, in which they are graded against all the characteristics that the true pseudocooter has to offer.

This is the explanation for which all of Gannon's female student enrollment seems to have an inner connectedness of insufficient characteristics which ultimately gives rise to the underlying reality of why Gannon is a horrible place to find a decent girl. Gannon's female population will, at some point, screw over countless decent guys without regard. Grown men cry, teenage pregnancies occur and the pseudocooter's "little sisters" remain as Gannon's fastest growing population.
"Hey guys, did you see the pseudocooter's new hand bag today? She is so trashy!"

"I detest all girls at Gannon! They all just remind me of that freakin pseudocooter girl..."
by ShoeBaca March 30, 2009