Besides women slapping men is probably the reason why said women can't get anymore men, thus having to divert their attentions to rug munching and wearing dungares and short hair cuts.
If you have done none of the above three things then you have no right to refer to yourself as a 'lesbian'. Henceforth you shall be referred to as a 'Pseudo Lesbian' one who subscribes to the ideology of muff diving but isn't hardcore enough to dive into the dark abyss of the muff.
You are the Mussolini to Rosie O'Donnells' Hitler, the Chairman Mao to Ellen Degeneres' Josef Stalin, hang your head in shame and know that henceforth you shall no longer be welcome in San Francisco or certain parts of New Orleans.
Lindsey Lohan is a Pseudo Lesbian.