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2. President's Day
Definition:
A holiday in the United States made to celebrate our past presidents. (Including George W. Bush and Nixon)

History:
When the United States of America won the Revolutionary War in 1783 the People wanted George Washington to be King, but he just wanted to sit on his ass at his luxury estate in Virginia. So instead the People had to settle with him being President, and in their sadness the People decided to hold a birthday party every year for Washington. Politicians later in the 1990s the idiots who invented Political Correctness changed the name from Our King's Birthday to President's Day, and decided that would be a good reason to have 50% off sweaters at JC Penny's.
"Back in my day we walked barefoot through the snow to school. Uphill both ways! And President's Day didn't exist! We celebrated King George Washington's Birthday!"

"Don't miss our semi-annual President's Day Sale. All sweaters: 50% off!"
1. President's Day
If President Obama comes out of the White House and sees his shadow, we have yet another year of unemployment.
President's Day 2009: *steps out of White House and sees shadow*

You know the rest of the story...
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