an object or person that is of nuisance or an irritant, yet can't be easily rid of.
His neighbor asked him to watch the dog over the weekend, which turned out to be quite a portnoy.

A: "I started seeing this girl but I don't really like her, and now she won't leave me alone."
B: "You need to ditch that portnoy right now."
by The Count of Tuscany September 4, 2011
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noun
1. paper

adjective

2. paperlike

In the battle of Wall Street vs. Main Street, Barstool CEO Dave Portnoy followed the /r/wallstreetbets hype and purchased shares of GME, AMC, NOK, and NAKD. After announcing that he sold all of his meme stocks for a loss on February 2nd, 2021, he was given the nickname Dave "Paper Hands" Portnoy. This was due to his change in stance on the matter; a few days prior, Portnoy had proclaimed he would hold these stonks despite the losses.
Rock, Portnoy, Scissors for it?

Bro, don't be a Portnoy. Hodl the line.

One dip, everybody knows Portnoy bails.
by DiamondHandedGorilla February 24, 2021
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Having sexual intercourse with and ejaculating into any raw cut of meat (e.g. liver, porterhouse steak, pork roast), and then preparing and serving said meat (colloq. 'marinated') as a meal for one's immediate family or close friends.

(Origin: Portnoy's Complaint, by Philip Roth)
I was horrified when Andrew told me he'd done the Portnoy on the steak tartare I'd just enjoyed so heartily.
by Marcus the Blacksmith August 4, 2007
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Selling a stock early because you're a scared little bitch.
"Don't go portnoying AMC, hodl for gains!"
by Rukbat June 25, 2021
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A book created by Phillip Roth. One would say it is about a Jewish kid losing his religion, until they notice the first 200 pages say "cunt" "pussy" "wad" "dong" "dork" "dick" "putz" or "fuck" at least twice a page. After that you could say it is about a Jewish kid losing his sex drive towards those whom he should stereotypically find atractive, Jewish girls, due to the actions of his parents.
"Hi"--softly, and with a little surprise, as though I might have met her somewhere before...

"To buy you a drink," I said.

"A real swinger," she said, sneering.

Sneering! Two seconds--and two insults! To the Assistant Commissioner of Human Opportunity for this whole city! "To eat your pussy, baby, how's that?" My God! She's going to call a cop! Who'll turn me in to the Mayor!

"That's better," she replied.

And so a cab pulled up, and we went to her apartment where she took off her clothes and said, "Go ahead."

Coolest fucking book ever.
by 6:47 AM June 4, 2005
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One of the greatest drummers to exist on this planet, known for his work in Dream Theater, Liquid Tension Experiment, Transatlantic, to name only a few. Most of today's rock drummers could take a hint or two or actually a thousand from Mike about playing drums.
Go to www.mikeportnoy.com and check out his monster drumkits.
by i love my mom July 1, 2003
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Drummer and back-up vocalist for the progressive rock group, Dream Theater, Mike Portnoy was born on April 20, 1967, and raised in Long Beach, New York. He became interested in music at a very young age; Portnoy said it himself, "It was inevitable that I'd become a musician.", and so he taught himself with only the help of music theory classes in high school. Around this time he bagan playing in local bands such as Intruder, Rising Power and Inner Sanctum, which actually released an album! But soon after recieving a scholarship for music, he attended Berklee College of Music in Boston, MA, where then he met the friends whom he would form a bond with that would lead to the arrangement of the progressive metal group known as Dream Theater (UK: Dream Theatre).

Portnoy is well known for his speed and endurance, winning many awards, including the Modern Drummers Award, which he said himself was his dream come true, and that he is living his dream. In many ways, he is better than the well-known Neil Peart of Rush. While Neil Peart is an amazing drummer, he is more the influence in this case, because Mike Portnoy by far surpasses the skills that Neil Peart has ever brought forth. Portnoy is also (or has also been) the drummer in other bands quite similar to that of Dream Theater, such as Liquid Tension Experiment, TransAtlantic, O.S.I. (Office of Strategic Influence), and few more, including a Rush tribute performance. He has not only played along side his fellow Dream Theater members John Petrucci, John Myung, James LaBrie, and Jordan Rudess, (with past member's who've come and gone), but as well as many other musicians in his past, such as Maggie Estep, Kevin Shirley, Doug Oberkircher, and Jay Beckenstein.

"Wow...I really love Mike Portnoy's style of drumming. I mean, not only are his chops most excellent, but look at that bass drum technique! It's like, how could anyone synchronize that many licks with their feet, while still keeping good rhythms going using both wrists? I don't know how he does it, but only one word can fit the description of talent that he holds: Godlike."
by PJ Schweitzer June 9, 2006
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