A nocturnal aminal native to northern lower Michigan. Usually located in tunnel systems carved into trees, these mammals rely on wood as their primary food source. They are roughly the size of a porcupine and have quils, two large front teeth and a large, flat tail. They are extremely good swimmers and can move fast on land as well. Beware, they are very aggressive and have been known to attack humans unprovoked. PorkyBeavers are deathly afraid of sand. If you are being chased by one (God have mercy on you) pick up a handfull of sand and throw it at it. Remember, PorkyBeavers are endangered species, so take care mot to harm them.
Nobody has ever survived a contact with a PorkyBeaver. I have done my research using state-of-the-art electronic surveillance equipment from the military.
by Igor Bhutan November 25, 2003