The amazing ability of Pork Scotch's to bore you to bloody death just by saying "hello" to you. If he ever sees that you are in his boring presence you must escape it immediately because if the boring, gay twat so much as looks you in the eye, you will drop to the floor and fall into a deep sleep. He has entered many talent shows and the reason he didn't win was because he knocked out all the judges when he got on the stage and said "Hello there I'm Max" while wearing his shades that make him look important. He thinks he knocks all the ladies out because he's 'drop dead gorgeous'.
Pork Scotch: Hello Alex.
Me: Please don't use the Pork Scotch Talent on me!
Pork Scotch: What Talent? I don't recall any Tal...
Me (snoring): snaaaaaagggghhhhh, wwwwhhhoooooo.