A ponytail holder as described by a man out of touch with pop culture. He hails from some weird state like MissourAAAAh. He recently met the greatest woman ALIVE and is thanking his lucky stars on the daily that she has 'saved' him from a life full of open source code and sausage parties.
My cat just ate my ponytailer and is gonna be sick later.
My girlfriend keeps wearing my ponytailers home from my house in the morning...maybe I should cut my hair short like a man...